We can't always avoid events that upset us, but we may be able to change how we feel about them. Psychologists have long been interested in framing, the mental angle we take when we process our experiences, as a method of moving past unwanted negative feelings. Two recent studies yield real-world tips for feeling better quickly:

Distance Yourself from Immediate Frustration

If you are cut off in traffic, you are likely to respond by blowing your horn. Chances are, you will spend the rest of your commute thinking about the actions of the jerk in front of you. Mentally taking a step back from the situation and your emotions, however—a process known as self-distancing—can diffuse your anger and reduce your aggression, researchers say.

Ohio State University psychology graduate student Dominik Mischkowski and his colleagues set out to annoy a group of student volunteers by leading them to believe they were waiting for a study to start. The researchers avoided answering questions and were generally curt. After confirming that the volunteers were indeed upset, Mischkowski asked them to reimagine the experience: half the group by reliving it through their own eyes and the other half by mentally moving away from the situation and watching it at a distance, as if it had happened to someone else. The self-distancing students had less anger and were less likely to respond aggressively to others in a subsequent task, according to results published in the September 2012 Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. This technique is useful, Mischkowski says, because prolonged anger can lead to stress, relationship difficulties and high blood pressure.

So the next time a car zips in front of you in traffic, don't focus on your anger from the driver's seat. Instead imagine yourself in a traffic helicopter, observing the entire scene. Take in the bigger picture, keep your emotions at arm's length and let the anger dissipate. —Carrie Arnold

Avoid Abstract Thinking about Bad Memories

It's hard not to dwell on a bad experience, but the way you think about it could mean the difference between healthy and unhealthy coping. A study in the September 2012 Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry focused on people who had recently experienced a highly distressing event—such as a crime, the death of a loved one or a relationship breakup. Subjects in one group wrote about their experiences in a concrete, objective way, by concentrating on questions such as “How do I feel right now? How did I feel at the time of the event and what did I see, hear and think? How might I deal with a similar situation in the future?” The other group wrote in a more abstract, evaluative way, prompted by questions such as “Why did the event happen? Why do I feel this way about it? Why didn't I handle it differently?” After the writing exercise, the concrete-thinking group reported fewer intrusive memories of the event than the abstract-thinking group.

Researchers think the concrete focus helps to facilitate emotional processing and problem solving, whereas an abstract perspective hinders these undertakings. “The processing can take place either ‘in your head’ or when writing about it,” says study author Thomas Ehring, now at the University of Münster in Germany. Past studies indicate that putting words on paper might be better than just thinking [see “The Power of the Pen,” by Katja Gaschler; Scientific American Mind, August/September 2007]. Just be sure to focus on the facts and keep your ideas concrete. —Tori Rodriguez

This article was originally published with the title Ameliorate Anger and Anxiety.

10 Comments

1. 1. littleredtop 01:57 PM 12/28/12

   In other words; ignore the bad or inappropriate behavior of others thus encouraging a continuance of their unacceptable conduct. Rather than trying to minimize the frustration experienced by those of us who care, psychologists should be trying to figure out how to minimize or eliminate the inappropriate behavior of a-holes who are causing our anger and anxiety.

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2. 2. rodmeister 03:06 PM 12/28/12

   NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) called self-distancing as "dissociation", which is surprisingly effective in neutralizing negative emotions, taking mere seconds to implement with very little effort.
   
   I agree with the "littleredtop" that by ignoring bad behavior you have given that person permission to repeat it.
   
   However, use good judgement: some instances require ignoring for peace of mind and to avoid unproductive escalation, and other instances it's best to discourage the bad behavior by expressing your disapproval.

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3. 3. jimmywat 03:07 PM 12/28/12

   Dr Albert Ellis (REBT), Dr Aaron Beck, and Dr David Burns (CBT), respectively) developed cognitive psychology therapy. We upset ourselves by our absolutist, demanding statements and over-generalizing about what happens. If you truely believe that something is awful, you will feel awful - and vice versa. In the case of someone cutting you off in trafic, if you believe that that is horrible and that person absolutely should not have done it, then you will be upset. If you believe that they did it to you intentionally, you will be even more upset. If instead, you realistically look at it as a mere inconvenience, that the person may have just have been careless or driven by being late to what he unrealistically believed he had to be at, and perhaps did not even see you, then you will not be outraged. We cannot control others, but we can control our beliefs which control our emotions about what happens. Distancing oneself from the event does not really cure the problem, it just dampens the effect. To cure the problem, change the way you think. Now this short summary won't cure you or anyone. It takes strongly disputing the beliefs that you have grown up with, been taught by teachers, parents, and the media to accept. It takes practice, practice, practice. It takes reprogramming yourself to think realistically. In the example experiment given above, the concrete method is closest to really solving the method, particularly "What did I think" and "How might I deal with this in the future." But more helpful would be how did what I thought cause how I felt and what can I think next time to make myself feel not so upset, to make myself react better? Was what I though realistic or grandiose and absolutistic? Was it really horrible or just bad and inconvenient? Dispute the unrealistic beliefs and replace them with beliefs that help you deal with the situation and get on with your life. Dr Ellis and Dr Aaron solved how to deal with these types of problems over 50 years ago. There methods have been verified in hundreds of experiments and decades of sucessful clinical practice with hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions of patients. Dr Ellis book sold over 1.5 million copies. Dr Burns book is also a huge best seller www.rebt.org and www.nacbt.org. or www.feelinggood.com

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4. 4. Xopher425 08:09 PM 12/28/12

   @ littleredtop and rodmeister: Yeah, because getting mad all day about some stupid driver is really going to do a lot to teach them a lesson and stop their behavior in the future. Fuming about it 30 minutes later is a very effective way to educate others.
   
   More likely, you're going to be so focused on it that you get angry and wind up taking it out on someone else. With the complete lack of any maturity and humanity, I never want to try to "teach" another driver a lesson; there are too many cases of road rage and people shooting others with little provocation. It's the law's job to do that, not mine.
   
   I have learned to tell myself that I don't have the time or the energy to get mad. Their stupidity/selfishness/idiocy is not taking up any more of my life than necessary.

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5. 5. tharriss in reply to Xopher425 08:23 PM 12/28/12

   Great points Xopher!

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6. 6. jimmywat 02:13 AM 12/29/12

   Xopher does have some great points, but he is merely soothing, distracting his anger rather that uprooting it. The anger lies in our belief that they are totally and shouldn't be stupid, selfish, or idiots when in fact, they merely acted stupidly, selfishly, or idiotically. They are falible human beings, not gods. When we demand that they act perfectly, we are demanding that we act perfectly. No one can. So that habit ultimately turns on ourselves, we get mad and rage at ourselves and try to teach ourselves a lesson. Since we are always present with ourselves, this can degenerate into depression or taking it out on other people.
   
   As for ignoring bad behavior in others, that depends on the behavior and is not giving them permission. If they are physically attacking you, ignoring that would be dangerous. If they are just yelling at or lying to you, then you have many options. Dr Ellis and Dr Burns found that rewarding good behavior and letting bad behavior go were far better than confrontation which tends to make the other person dig in his heels and justify what he has done.

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7. 7. cosmo101 08:50 PM 1/1/13

   I always distance myself physically from a reckless driver thankful he/she caused no greater harm. Eventually they will, unfortunately cause somebody else harm.

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8. 8. OlgatheGreat 06:39 PM 1/2/13

   This might be one mechanism by which social contact keeps us healthy. When we explain our problems to others, we are forced to stick to the concete details and to take into account how a "distant" viewpoint might frame things. Strangers would be better than friends in that regard.

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9. 9. Petra 01:40 PM 1/4/13

   I love this blame shifting idea! NOT. This is a trend which I think less than admirable. So we're supposed to teach ourselves how to overlook the ill's of others mistakes, look the other way and what? Fail to remind drivers who could have caused us harm an opportunity to go unnoticed for such deeds?
   
   It seems to me the little toot offers a measure of expressing one's disapproval rather than suggesting "we" find some other means of dealing with our lack of approval. After all, today it's a toot and maybe they'll catch the drift and not do it tomorrow, because tomorrow they might kill someone.
   
   And isn't it reminiscent of calling to complain about less than adequate service and the folks on duty seem to find some way to communicate it's always our fault rather than theirs.
   
   So the next time a cancer doctor fails to tell you that you have cancer, see how forgiving you'll feel when things go negative and ask what "you" might do about it other than being persistent in asking them why they can't read the pathology report correctly.
   
   Though that's the other bit going around where after expressing a recent upset the listener comments "you should have expected it" no matter the cause or one's lack of having any idea "it" could happen.
   
   Try placing blame where it belongs, be sympathetic and understand "we own" our mistakes, so place the focus where it belongs, not shifting our thoughts to accommodate those who don't care our well being.

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10. 10. bucketofsquid in reply to cosmo101 12:27 PM 1/7/13

    It doesn't take long to call in and report them. You can also work on a systemic change by supporting traffic enforcement cameras and the backup staff to round up those who don't pay and throw them in jail. You can also be very vocal about the failure of elected officials to do their job and use modern methods to eliminate potentially deadly behavior.
    
    It worked for me. After repeatedly being passed on the right when I was in the right lane going through an intersection I made it very public that the city council were not doing their jobs and began actively encouraging people to vote for challengers in the next election. To shut me up the city council had the department of roads put a concrete curb projecting out to the edge of the parking lane on the other side of the intersection. Now no one can pass on the right through the intersection without some damage to their car. No need to fume or honk. Just take control of the situation and promote a solution that isn't punitive or vengeful. There is no need to cuss or be hostile. Just let the people that you elect and pay with your taxes know that you expect them to earn their office and pay.

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