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The Wisdom of Psychopaths
In this engrossing journey into the lives of psychopaths and their infamously crafty behaviors, the renowned psychologist Kevin Dutton reveals that there is a...
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If cupid had studied neuroscience, he’d know to aim his arrows at the brain rather than the heart. Recent research suggests that for love to last, it’s best he dip those arrows in oxytocin. Although scientists have long known that this hormone is essential for monogamous rodents to stay true to their mates, and that it makes humans more trusting toward one another, they are now finding that it is also crucial to how we form and maintain romantic relationships.
A handful of new studies show that oxytocin makes us more sympathetic, supportive and open with our feelings—all necessary for couples to celebrate not just one Valentine’s Day, but many. These findings have led some researchers to investigate whether oxytocin can be used in couple therapy.
The first bit of evidence that points to oxytocin as nature’s love glue comes from researchers who measured the hormone in couples. Psychology professor Ruth Feldman at Bar-Ilan University in Israel, spent years studying oxytocin’s role in the mother–child bond and recently decided to dive into the uncharted waters of romantic bonds by comparing oxytocin levels in new lovers and singles. “The increase in oxytocin during the period of falling in love was the highest that we ever found,” she says of a study she and her colleagues published in Psychoneuroendocrinology. New lovers had double the amount Feldman usually sees in pregnant women.
Oxytocin was also correlated with the longevity of a relationship. Couples with the highest levels were the ones still together six months later. They were also more attuned to each other than the low-oxytocin couples when Feldman asked them to talk about a shared positive experience. The high-oxytocin couples finished each other’s sentences, laughed together and touched each other more often. Feldman says it’s still not clear whether oxytocin was responsible for the stability of the couple’s bond six months later or if couples who weren’t as connected failed to trigger the oxytocin system.
One way to clarify that question is to give individuals oxytocin rather than just measure naturally occurring levels. In experiments by couple therapist and researcher Beate Ditzen at the University of Zurich, couples each sprayed a liquid containing oxytocin up their noses (which ensures that the hormone reaches the brain). Ditzen then got them to talk with each other about an issue that both partners said often lead to disagreement or fighting, such as who did the housework or how they spent their free time. She observed how they communicated with each other during the discussion compared with couples who didn’t get the hormone.
The first time Ditzen and her colleagues did this experiment they found that for both men and women oxytocin improved communication and lowered cortisol, a stress hormone. But in a recent study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, Ditzen and her colleagues measured salivary alpha-amylase (sAA)—an enzyme tied specifically to social stress—and found that men and women responded differently. Women who got oxytocin showed a decrease in sAA whereas men showed an increase and reported feeling more intense emotions. Counterintuitively, these men were also better at communication during conflict: they smiled more, had more eye-contact and were more open about their feelings. These behaviors are essential for peaceful conflict resolution.
Research shows that men tend to withdraw during conflict with their mate, which leads to a breakdown in communication and relationship dissatisfaction on both sides. Ditzen thinks the higher emotional arousal that oxytocin-infused men experience in her experiment may result in more engagement with their partner and thus more communication.
Although the new results provide evidence that oxytocin influences the way couples interact, Ditzen warns that it doesn’t tell us whether oxytocin is directly causing these behaviors.
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12 Comments
Add CommentSo, now the question is: how do get more oxytocin?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisBy prescription.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisStudies have suggested several ways of naturally creating an oxytocin response, including singing in a choir, playing with your dog, talking to you mom on the phone and taking care of an ailing spouse. Because the oxytocin response develops differently in different brains, your experience may vary. For example, if you're afraid of dogs or don't get along with your mom, you'll feel stressed (cortisol response). Orgasm is a reliable way to get a rush of oxytocin. Although these haven't been studied, probably any activity that brings you together with someone you trust will probably increase oxytocin: cuddling, hanging with a good friend, hugging, etc.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThe good news is that oxytocin is secreted by the hypothalamust and is stored in the posterior pituitary and released during (a) childbirth where it causes uterine contractions, and (b) during orgasm, as, um, pointed out above. Thus, it causes bonding and has branded "the cuddling" hormone. Hence, the good news. The bad news is that while the mother is in labor, if her partner accompanies her during the ordeal, his oxytocin level goes up, and, sadly, his testosterone goes down. Nature's way of preventing the new Dad from having a wandering eye. The trade name for oxytocin is Pitocin. Finally, in many species, oxytocin causes an amnesiac response, both for the pain of labor and for the odor and aroma of the first litter so that the new mom only suckles the newbies!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThis raises a question 'how to maximize oxytocin ?', and more importantly, leaves the question unanswered.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThose who practice karezza sex know this secret.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAmen. The last line says it all. If there was nothing there initially (i.e. when the couple misunderstood one another's values at the get-go, or when neither partner knows what their values are), oxytocin is not going to help long term. And who ever said sticking together is a healthy thing for everyone? It's so crazy to simplify the situation of successful and peaceful relating to the one ingredient that helps us bond. What of the monogomous gene for example? I think Louanne Brizandine, MD. says only 17% of people have that gene.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAlso, there is the subject of distinguishing the difference between what you want--desire--and what is actually healthy for you. These functions happen in different parts of the brain.
Having or at least garnering respect for one another entails empathetic listening...finding the other interesting and being truly curious about how they feel.
Carl Rogers Peer to Peer counseling technique is kind of a chaser to *shut up and listen*. Then Mindfulness techniques would teach that it's healthy to put off your wants to fulfill another's NEEDS and know when to do so....and know when to request the center stage (procure attention for yourself when you NEED it). In a rarely attached/bonded cultural base, this flexibility and discernment are rare.
Oxytocin sure is fun, but not the be-all, end-all. And it's not a constant. Pleasure seeking is not practically functional in all situations or typically maintained. Our chemistry vacillates moment to moment, as Candice Pert has tried to explain, and that is natural.
This culture would choose pleasurable oblivion to balance and it shows in our pharmaceutical and recreational drug proclivities.
Want good natural drugs coursing through you system? Get off your ass and exercise.
Pitocin also causes such deep contractions that make it harder for the baby to push through on her own, which increases the perceived NEED to perform ceasarean sections and episiotomies. We bow to the feet of the OBGYN; not the needs or practical concerns or psychological comfort/control of the mother. Quelle drag?!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI predict that we will see, in the future, what might be called "life-enhancing nuero-chemical drugs." These drugs will modify behaviors in various ways to eliminate perceived ills as anger, selfishness, promiscuity, stupidity, introversion, ect. These substances are still many years, possibly decades away, but they, and the use of them, are plausible. We already have drugs to treat depression, which most of us can agree are much abused. Throughout the ages humans have been more than willing to use things like alcohol to modify their nuero-chemical states. And there are already many political ideologies based on modifying people's behavior. Liberals may want to use drugs to get rid of "greed" and "tribalism." Traditional conservatives might want to use these drugs to promote sexual morality. Libertarians might want to eliminate "stupidity" and "irresponsibility." Thus will be spawned a new word: nueropolitics, as politicians strive to ban the substances that offend their worldviews.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisVery interesting article―and related commentaries. How to explain this behavioral oddity with a singular cause? One, Ronald Reagan, paired with Jane Wyman, some eight years endurance, and finally the “Oxytocin” expired. Subsequent alliance with Nancy, nee: Anne Frances Robbins, durability of relationship protracting into fifty-two years duration, muted only in eschatological separation.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisOxytocin … was it discriminately prejudicial … or imbalance the fragmenting experience of a teeter totter ride overloaded on one side?
In world population exceeding seven billion can one sapiently divine singular, or stochastic multiple cause for attachment’s proclivity?
Rhetorical muse.
So lets all take oxytocin together and mayby we can all learn to love one another. Make love, not babies, and doubly reduce the causes of war.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisarticle says for "couples therapy". this implies the drug creates monogamy! question what will it do for polygamous people?
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