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The Wisdom of Psychopaths
In this engrossing journey into the lives of psychopaths and their infamously crafty behaviors, the renowned psychologist Kevin Dutton reveals that there is a...
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Imagine being twelve years old. Imagine coming home after school and finding your big sister’s lifeless body hanging from a rafter in your home’s stairwell. Phoebe Prince’s little sister did not have to imagine this scenario, because she lived it. She arrived home after school in South Hadley, Mass., last January 14 and discovered that her sister had committed suicide by hanging herself, a result of enduring extreme and relentless bullying at the hands of her peers.
Since then, the suicide of Phoebe Prince has received extensive press coverage, and prompted a sudden call to arms about the consequences of bullying. What or who killed Phoebe Prince? Was it the ferocious and incessant bullying, was it the indifference of teachers and administrators who witnessed her torment and turned a blind eye, or was it the result of her depression? We may never know the exact answer to these questions, but one thing is certain; they all contributed to the death of a young girl way before her time.
Psychological research on bullying has been relatively sparse considering how widespread and potentially devastating the phenomenon is. But a recent paper by two researchers at the College of Criminology and Criminal Justice at Florida State University, Carter Hay and Ryan Meldrum, in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence offers some valuable insight into the possible factors in Phoebe Prince’s death.
These new data demonstrate that cyberbullying is just as destructive as traditional forms of in-person bullying.
They also suggest that it was not the bullying alone that led to Phoebe Prince’s death, but an interaction between the extent of the bullying and her psychological resources for coping with the stress of being bullied.
And on the positive side, the findings indicate that a high level of self-control in a teen, and a certain parenting style—known as “authoritative”—may diminish the dangerous effects of bullying.
Hay and Meldrum analyzed survey answers from 426 adolescents with an average age of 15. They asked how often participants thought about suicide or self-harm, how often they felt bullied, as well as questions about their own and their parents' behaviors. The purpose of this extensive surveying was to investigate the idea that it may not be simply bullying that harms its victims, but rather the way in which being bullied interacts with the individual’s coping skills and the sort of social support they have at home. Finally, and most importantly, examining all of these variables allowed the researchers to investigate which factors, or combination of factors, were most likely to put a teen at risk.
A bit of background:
When we think of bullies, we usually imagine one large oafish dullard with a chip on his shoulder hurling banal insults and occasional shoves on the school playground. We are all taught to walk away, to remind ourselves that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”
But what if the bully is an honor-roll student, a pretty girl who is worshipped by her peers and favored by her teachers? What if she has a couple of friends who join her in deciding who will become an outcast and serve as a school-wide whipping post? Most of us were not raised to deal with these kinds of bullies. These bullies are insidious and smart. They wreak havoc through subtle, indirect forms of hostility that seek to harm others through exclusion, dirty looks, gossip.
This kind of bullying is called “relational aggression” in psychology research. It is easy to stop a bully who physically attacks a peer in plain sight, but how do teachers and parents monitor and stop “dirty looks” or whispered gossip? It is not surprising that this type of bullying is most common in groups of teens. Clique membership is the perfect breeding ground for this kind of behavior.
In the past, adolescents who were bullied could seek some solace in knowing that the school day would eventually end, and they could find a safe haven in spending time with friends and family. But in present times, the social networking sites on the Internet have made it possible to bully someone twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. This has been termed “cyberbullying”, and it may have been the tipping point for Phoebe Prince, and others like her, who have harmed or killed themselves after being taunted or tormented on-line. Add to this the additional anonymity the Internet provides, and teens’ knowledge of how many people may see what is written about them (there are currently over 500 million users of Facebook) and you have a recipe for a whole new level of bullying.
Now for the better news. Hay and Meldrum tried to determine why some individuals are more affected by bullying than others. They found that “authoritative parents”—parents who provide warmth and support to their children, while maintaining their authority and keeping the lines of communication open—can make a difference.
Authoritative parenting has been associated with a number of positive psychosocial outcomes. Authoritative parents are good listeners. They are able to provide comfort and guidance when their children encounter stress, and help them forge appropriate responses. Adolescents of authoritative parents feel respected by their parents, and in turn respect the limits set on them. Their parents are involved in their lives to the extent that they know who their friends are and where they hang out, but are not overly enmeshed in the adolescent’s life. Among the participants in this study, this parenting style significantly reduced the negative impact of bullying.
Another variable that was found to lessen the impact of bullying was the amount of individual self-control. Adolescents who were found to be high on measures of self-control are able to recruit cognitive coping mechanisms to modulate emotional responses to stress. Additionally, these adolescents are often found to be low on impulsivity and more likely to spend time thinking about their responses to stress before enacting them. This strategy has consistently been associated with more pro-social, constructive and adaptive responses to stress. Not surprisingly, it follows from this that the researchers discovered that self-control improved individual responses to bullying victimization.
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13 Comments
Add CommentWhile this is valuable research, it does not provide parents or practitioners with practical skills of how to help our children who are bullied. Ok so authoratative parenting is helpful and as a mental health practitioner I know what that is - but how many parents actually know? Ok so self control helps - but how does that help the many adolescents who are still developing their frontal lobes? What we really need to do is get to our government and judicial system (both areas where bullying is still prevalent anyway) and convince them that bullying is an important issue. Then from the top down systems can be put in place. I work with a lot of parents whose children are being bullied at school. The schools often don't respond to parents and even respond in ways that further target the child being bullied. Moving school is not often helpful as the problems will often move with a child. There is no quick fix here, but when research is provided, what parents need is very clear, specific information, (and preferably free information) about what can be done. In reality nothing much has changed in the intervention tools and of what intervention tools there are, there is not a great deal of practical strategies. I am yet to have a parent speak with me about a quick fix that worked for them - but of course would love to hear any success stories that would empower other parents. Again, research is valuable but only in so much as it helps with practical, clear, specific strategies.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI agree tweet, most parents are not as proactive in their child's development, they tend to be more or less reactive.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisGood article, but cyberbullying is on the rise due to non-action of school administration and lack parental knowledge of cyberbullying.
In my humble opinion, i think it's not the parenting style, but it's the fact at how much parents inform themselves on what really goes on.
From what I've read bullys are opportunistic and most likely in these days are a small cliques, that are based on a group mentality(which means if the group chooses an option the whole group accepts it).
I also think that should be tougher laws on cyberbullying and make it a federal crime with a fine and jail time if they are caught.
I also think sites like Youtube and Facebook should have anti-bullying clauses in the terms of service agreements.
What we need is for role models to model how to react when somebody bullies somebody.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWhat we need is for social reinforcement for somebody who stands up for somebody else just because they recognize bullying is going on and it's wrong.
What we need to do is stand up for each other because if the circumstances happen in a certain way, we may end up the target.
I think people would rather duck out and avoid giving anyone any reason to be the target.
When I saw bullying I didn't try to stop it, but rather just absolutely did not support it. I guess I want people to do better than I did!
I have an authoritative parenting style.I also have a gifted child who was painfully shy when he was younger.He got bullied pretty badly at a few points, and together we solved the problems as they arose.He is now a confident, talented kid who doesn't let the occasional incident rock his boat.Here's my list of what I think helped:
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this1) Almost every day at dinner, we go around the table with the Highlight and Lowlight of our day. Adults too.Helps to share worries, and highlights moments in your day when you were grateful.Helps maintain open communication before you need it.
2) Play the 'look on the bright side game' in the car.Take turns coming up with terrible scenarios, and the bright side.Like: Your house is on fire! My 6 year-old's response - But look on the bright side!You get all that exercise running out of it! This Really helped foster a reflexive optimism; I still see it even in my now 15 & 17 year-olds. [patent pending. :-)]
3) Set up successes that build on each other.I often asked my shy child to do little jobs, like ask the waitress for his drink refill himself.Wow, he hated that...but I knew that it would be a successful interaction, and over time things like that made him more willing to speak up. "Good Job! See? That wasn't so hard, she was nice."
4) When they get older, if they want Facebook, I'm their first friend.Everything they post or I post they see. Keeps us both honest, and if you do it young (like, 12,13? depending on your child's maturity) they get used to POS (parent over shoulder), and police their friends.It's a relief for them to be able to throw the flag 'cause Mom is on FB', rather than because they actually find it offensive (which they often do.)Plus, you know their friends.I reported a bullying incident I saw on my kids' friend's FB wall, and the school said another parent had already called!FB can be a serious ally on what used to be hidden.Know how friends lists work so your kid can't 'hide' from you.
5) Get involved.Be a band parent, or work on the musical or Scouts.If you know the other students, they won't pick on your kid, and you'll hear a lot more about what is going on.
6) Don't snipe and gossip at home.Call it out when you see it. If we model supportive, respectful families at home, kids recognize the opposite and those behaviors lose their power.
7) Model resiliency.Taking a new tack rather than wallowing in victimhood teaches your children how to bounce too.
8) Give your attention to positive behavior - then that will be your kid's natural inclination as well. Attention is powerful.
I could have written almost word for word the response, especially about being the first friend and staying tuned in through FB, by Visitor (except in our house we discuss 2 good things one bad thing from our day). Furthermore-our 16 year old son received the 1st glimmer of cyber bullying when someone who was jealous that our son went out with a girl he wanted; the other boy set up a fake FB page in our son's name and started sending lewd messages in the name of our son to girls in the school. He immediately totold us and reported it to FB. He went to the school counselor 1st thing the nnext day and we also had contact with the school. They facilitated an intervention and the whole thing was resolved in 48 hours. We know that this good ending to a potential crisis is absolutely due to our open lines of communication and the sense of self esteem instilled in our son.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisInternet access is just one of many things going on with teenagers. If kids can't get away from the Internet, somebody isn't doing their job. It's an electronic device, so turn it off.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWe can't escape technology and I wouldn't recommend trying. But I think more effort should be placed in using technology for fun and efficiency. I may be mistaken here, but if all my friends on Facebook were bullies, I'd go somewhere else and play Sudoku or join a hobby centric forum. As my girlfriend has been learning by ignoring her blackberry avoiding the intolerable people is a skill we could all remember especially in our off hours. And even though it makes sense, it takes practice. Parents?
Internet access is just one of many things going on with teenagers. If kids can't get away from the Internet, somebody isn't doing their job. It's an electronic device, so turn it off.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWe can't escape technology and I wouldn't recommend trying. But I think more effort should be placed in using technology for fun and efficiency. I may be mistaken here, but if all my friends on Facebook were bullies, I'd go somewhere else and play Sudoku or join a hobby centric forum. As my girlfriend has been learning by ignoring her blackberry avoiding the intolerable people is a skill we could all remember especially in our off hours. And even though it makes sense, it takes practice. Parents?
Apologies for the double post.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI agree with In-Tokyo, we need positive role models. or rather, we need to be positive role models. I am a former Marine who is going back to school to become a doctor to save lives. In the meantime, I volunteer at a hospital and volunteer tutoring homeless children in shelters. I am also working part time as an EMT-B. If you know someone in your neighborhood that is a positive role model, ask them to talk with your child, or try to convince your child to give volunteering a chance, or call the local small news outlet and ask them to run a POSITIVE story about your local hero.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAlso refuse to watch negative television shows in your household and tell others about your opinion of shows like these, WHEN THEY ASK FOR YOUR OPINION. They will go to church if they want someone to preach at them.
Don't be afraid to stand up and talk to others about your moral values in a friendly conversation.
This message is for children and parents. Parents have to be the example and not be hypocritical about what they tell their children to do, Practice what you preach! Children, life is tough and no one knows how you feel unless you tell them, the friends that will listen to you and try to help rather than laugh are friends wirth keeping. It is better to have one really good friend than 100 "fair weather" friends (ask your parents).
Hello from beautiful Montana:
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI am doing a blog on the effects of cyberbullying and bullying on not only the victim, but the bully and the witness or bystander. No one comes out a winner.
I so appreciate the excellent points you have made in your article and I would like to site your article in my blog.
Please feel free to comment at http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com
Thanks,
Judy Helm Wright, author and keynote speaker on family relationship issues
The Digirata -- by ''Anonymous''
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisGO placidly amid the hot links and the distractions,
and remember what peace there may be in unplugging.
As far as possible be on good terms with all persons online and never never flame others or engage
in any kind of cyberbullying or cyberstalking.
Key in your truths quietly and clearly;
and read what others have to say, too
even the dull and the ignorant;
for they too have their stories and ideas to impart, even if you disagree.
Avoid angry and aggressive flamers and out of control cyberbullies,
for they are vexations to the spirit of the internet.
If you compare your blog with other blogs that are better and have more visitors,
you may become vain and bitter, so just enjoy your own blog for what it is and don't
worry abut the big guys.
Enjoy your online achievements, as well as your plans for future downtime.
Keep interested in your own blogging, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution who you give your personal details to;
for the world is full of trickery and Nigerian scams waiting
to part you from your money.
Be yourself when you are online,
or, if it so pleases you, adopt a persona.
Use your real name or a pseudonym for your userid,
and let no one steal your password,
especially those pesky phishers.
Take kindly the counsel of your fellow bloggers
and gracefully chat with your Facebook
friends in real time. But don't over do it,
and always take time out to unplug
and enjoy a weekly
''internet sabbath''.
You are a child of the Digital Age,
no less than the SPAM and the pixels;
and you have every right to blog to your heart's content.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt cyberspace is unfurling as it should,
well, sort of, and you are part of the great equation,
whatever that might turn out to be.
Therefore be at peace with Amazon and Yahoo,
and make of your Kindles and your nooks what you will.
E-readers to the fore!
Whatever your labors and your aspirations,
in the multitasking distractions of cyberspace
keep peace with your soul -- if you still have one.
Remember: With all its sham, mattdrudgery and quirky keyboards,
it is still a beautiful online world.
Be cheerful. Be careful, too. Use the smilely emoticon as much as possible, and
strive to be a happy camper. Unplug often.
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[An encrypted message found in a bottle floating across a glaring screen in the middle of Manhattan, and keyed-in by an anonymous messenger.]
In our firm we have made program which can monitor all online activities of kids (more info here http://www.goldlimiter.com/internet-monitor ) and it's free.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAuthoritative parenting has been associated with a number of positive psychosocial outcomes. Authoritative parents are good listeners. They are able to provide comfort and guidance when their children encounter stress, and help them forge appropriate responses.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisGreat post, do you mind if I re-blog this (with full attribution and linking)? I really want to share it with my readers, they would find it very useful.
http://www.turnthepagellc.com/