What’s more, by asking the participants to rate their self-confidence, the researchers provided further insight into what specifically about the speed-dating setup led both men and women to be more selective when they were seated. The investigators had wondered whether the act of sitting and being approached by a long string of members of the opposite sex made people feel especially desirable and, therefore, justifiably choosier. But they found that those who rotated showed more self-confidence than those who sat, nixing the idea that the sitters’ perception of being in greatdemand was driving their relative choosiness. Instead simply standing and being on the move boosted both genders’ sense of confidence, which in turn boosted their romantic attraction to the people they approached.
We don’t speed-date our way through real life, of course, but there are all kinds of social conventions based on gender, and these presumably shape romantic feelings and actions. Having men behave more like women and women more like men appears to narrow at least this one gap between the sexes.
This article was originally published with the title Changing the Dating Game.
See what we're tweeting about
10 Comments
Add CommentFat men probably would only be able to get their hands on fat women (regardless of how wealthy they were). Like the saying goes, marriage for many is about convinience/lust, not romance.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisA Woman alwys thinks: Would he be a good father for my children?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisIs he gentle with me.
Would he support me against all odds?
Many men think: How fast can I get her to agree to what I want and, I do not want to take responsibility for anything.
Wait, what about selection bias? Men who approach women are more likely to say yes, women who are passively approached are more likely to say no. Shocking! And when the women pre-select their dates, they say yes more frequently. Amazing!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI'm sorry, but unless the article is grossly misrepresenting the study, the method is deeply flawed. How about having subjects pre-rate each other, then see how their post-date ratings change based on if they approach or are approached?
The study is interesting but not surprising. What we normally overlook is that the natural behavior gets modified by the imposed culture. Naturally women are more sex-starved than men (we can prove it, but leaving it for the moment. Those interested can write to mbasudeba@gmail.com). However, because of their physical built, indiscreminate desire can lead them to unbearable suffering. Hence they develop the instinct to be choosy. In different cultures, they are groomed to avoid men other than their husbands. This is reflected in their behavior.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWhen a woman approaches a man for speed dating, the thought uppermost in her mind is sex and not love, pregnancy or long term relationship, which is left to be decided later. The woman on a date is usually ready for love-making and is prepared with ways to avoid pregnancy. Long term relationships can grow only if the first and few subsequent meetings are favorable. This is exactly the mindset of a man. Hence there is no surprise in the findings.
basudeba
Jeremiah -
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisMy thoughts exactly! This experiment lacks construct validity. Even if the flaws of the study were fixed, it doesn't address the fact that men approach women more in *real life* - if it can't explain this phenomena, then the results are inconclusive at the very best.
It also doesn't explain women's sexual coyness, which happens even in married couples. I find myself wary of studies that seem designed more to fit into the ideology of gender similitude than investigating phenomena already observed in all human populations.
The role of science is to discover what is, not what we wish would be.
I don't agree with the statement that women are generally much choosier than men. What about the popular culture meme of men being reluctant to commit, i.e. holding out for someone beautiful, smart and great in every way, even when it's unrealistic. From the real life examples I see around, all men married someone who is equal to their own attractiveness and abilities. Perhaps it is condoned for men to be more sexually promiscuous, but does it mean they aren't choosy?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this"Construct validity?" Anything to do with psychology lacks validity of any kind.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWe agree with the construction validity part. Changing mind frequently or indecision is a feminine trait just as single minded pursuit is a masculine trait. Even the built of women (as well as negative chare) is like that - they spread out whereas men focus on a point like the positive charge accumulates in the nucleus. Any male with indecision characteristics must have other feminine traits and any woman following single-mindedly must have other masculine traits. When women choose the best partner out of a lot of suiters, they are focussing on one. Since this is a masculine trait, the results are not surprising. The construction of the experimental design is not valid for referral purposes.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisbasudeba.
Dating Rules - Do's
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this1. Do try to look your best and be punctual on dates
2. Do have fun when dating. I know the subject of Mr. or Miss Right is serious but dating is fun too so keep it that way.
3. Do flatter and compliment your date on the way they look and the things they wear. People tend to go to a lot of effort on a date (hopefully) so being told that you are looking good is a nice thing to hear.
4. Be interested and interesting. As the Pet Shop Boys once said, I was never bored because I was never being boring" or something similar. You get my drift.
5. Do tell someone if you are not interested in dating them again. Being lied to and hopes kept alive is an evil and malicious act (yes I mean it that strongly). If you don't want to see someone again then let them know that in the nicest possible way you can.
6. Do date the type of people you like and are attracted to, whatever your friends may say. Approval by your peers doesn't prove a thing.
7. Do stay positive even when dates don't end well. It is most certainly true that you will date a few frogs before you find a prince. Along the way you will meet some nice people too and make some good contacts possibly.
8. Dating is a creative diversion, it requires concentration and energy so when you are dating keep some plans in the forefront of your mind and allow dating to take you to places you always wanted to visit within your own city.
9. Do make dating happen for yourself. People will not come and ring your bell from nowhere. Dating requires positive action so go out there and meet people, as many people as you can. Practice your chat and flirting on shop workers, bar attendants, anywhere and everywhere. Being nice to people is very sexy and great fun.
10. Do surround yourself with positive like minded people who are also dating. Think about the girls from Sex and the City and how they assist each other in dating and matters of romance. Negative friends who don't condone the dating scene or don't understand it will only help lower your own expectations and make you feel negative.
Dating Rules - Don'ts
1. Never call someone more than once a day unless they reply. Desperation and instability are huge turn offs.
2. Don't date the people who you usually find dump you. You may be generally attracted to bastards but that will not get you anywhere except hurt.
More Dating Tips:
http://bit.ly/seduce-men
In the study as I read it, women approached me who were seated (just as men had approached women who were seated). When men are seated, a woman cannot tell their height. Height determines to a large degree whom a woman will date. Try the experiment with the men standing.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this