Thus, seriously afflicted drama queens seem to have weaker circuitry for inhibiting inappropriate reactions to negative emotions, making it difficult for them to stop themselves from acting out. Drama queens may also have more intense emotions: the amygdala, an area of the brain that processes feelings, was hyperactive in the BPD patients in the Cornell study.
The results of such faulty wiring leave a trail of distress. The volatility gets in the way of efficiency and congeniality at work and prevents stable, happy relationships at home. Dealing with such people can be difficult, although accepting the theatrics as ingrained in the brain, among other strategies, may help you distance yourself from them and temper the consequences.
Defusing the Drama
Handling a drama queen requires planning, composure and tact. Here are some tips.
- Set boundaries. Set limits on the length of the interaction and on what you are willing to discuss. Spell out your constraints to the drama queen. In person, say, for example, “Jane, you can visit my desk to chat only at lunch.” On the phone, begin a conversation with “I have only 15 minutes to talk.”
- Be consistent. Do not break your rules by extending a conversation, spreading gossip or inviting the drama queen to dinner. Such lapses suggest that “no” sometimes means “yes” and can encourage his or her pushy behavior. If you agree to a meeting, however, keep your promise. Being unreliable creates more drama.
- Stay calm. Avoid reacting dramatically yourself. Using adjectives such as “livid,” “perfect” or “tragic” tends to amplify the emotion.
- Validate, then redirect. Some people like to talk through a situation, but such analysis only intensifies emotions for drama queens. Acknowledge their problem, then help him or her focus on positive events or, better yet, on what the person can do to improve his or her lot. Say, for example, “Well, of course you are upset, but what’s a better way to handle this?”
- Create a paper trail. If the drama disrupts your workplace, document every troublesome interaction, noting the date, time and nature of the encounter. At some point, you may want to inform human resources of the problem.
- Consider cutting ties. If the relationship becomes toxic despite your efforts, you may need to get out of it, even if doing so means finding another job or separating from your spouse. You may want to visit a counselor to understand how the relationship is affecting you and whether there is value in continuing it.
This article was originally published with the title Dangerous Liaisons.
See what we're tweeting about
28 Comments
Add CommentThis article is so upsetting I cried for an hour...
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI have a close friend with severe PTSD, and I found this article both informative and helpful; there *is* science that can help us understand what's going on in these cases, and it's useful to know it. Thank you.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisA childhood friend became a really unbearable drama queen recently, and I now believe it was really postpartum depression. However, just knowing the cause doens't help me deal with her; this article is very helpful. Thanks!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisExtremely helpful article! I recommend reading up on Anal Expulsive, the other end of the spectrum from Anal Retentive and you'll find many correlations. Freud, of course tied a lot of these type issues to incorrect potty training, hence the 'Anal' fixation.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this(and btw, science is more than telescopes & microscopes)
I'm disappointed that SciAm lets something like "emotons" get into an article. Spellcheck would've caught that. Now most of your readers have.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThis could've been a 250 word article. The study was interesting, then "blah blah blah blah Oops, I should change 'Sam' to a man so this doesn't sound sexist. blah blah blah I can't be bothered changing all the 'she's to 'he's either. blah blah blah blah."
As someone who was married to a person with "Borderline Personality Disorder", I can see how they can be compared to the likes of a "Drama Queen". I never knew going into my relationship the toll it would take on me and my two daughters. We lasted less than a year and a half before splitting up this July. It was the hardest thing to do - walking away from her, but ultimately the right decision. Save yourself a lot of pain - study up on BPD! Read "Stop Walking on Eggshells", it might help save your sanity!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAs someone who was married to a person with "Borderline Personality Disorder", I can see how they can be compared to the likes of a "Drama Queen". I never knew going into my relationship the toll it would take on me and my two daughters. We lasted less than a year and a half before splitting up this July. It was the hardest thing to do - walking away from her, but ultimately the right decision. Save yourself a lot of pain - study up on BPD! Read "Stop Walking on Eggshells", it might help save your sanity!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAs someone who was married to a person with "Borderline Personality Disorder", I can see how they can be compared to the likes of a "Drama Queen". I never knew going into my relationship the toll it would take on me and my two daughters. We lasted less than a year and a half before splitting up this July. It was the hardest thing to do - walking away from her, but ultimately the right decision. Save yourself a lot of pain - study up on BPD! Read "Stop Walking on Eggshells", it might help save your sanity!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisSo called borderline personality disorder et al is double speak created by the quasi science community who do not do real science at all but descriptive, uncontrolled clinical "studies"...I am being kind. I would prefer to say right up front quakery. Brain scans reveal differences. That is science. borderline this or that..means absolutely NADA. Every society chooses what is considered appropriate or inappropriate behavior. Brain chemistry and neurological differences will explain it all in the end and all the talking in the world to people with such disorders wastes resources and does not help these folks a bit. There is a whole industry of people who ha ha..treat people for thirty, forty or fifty years and in the end, the money spent would have been better put to use doing brain chemistry/neurological research. The clinical approach in its descriptive opinionated approach is no different from ecclesiastical conferences on how many angels fit on the head of a pin...utter nonsense and an embarrassment to the science community for these folks to have insinuated their unsubstantiated nonsense into getting grants. This is no more science than phrenology. Pharma and medical research is the way to go for the brain. It is an organ and as such as diseases, errors in construction, and since it is a plastic organ, it can change and be changed in turn. Cures for mental disorders will be found chemically most likely and eventually perhaps through surgeries, implants of stimulating IC chips and so forth. Talking and talking results in...more talking and fat cats with nice cars and houses while they take the rest of society for a ride.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisMany have used post-mortem brain studies to "legitimize" gay behavior, pointing to actual physical commonalities in the brains of homosexuals.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI have yet to hear someone question whether these autopsy findings might point to these changes in the physical brain as having been the result of prolonged or chronic homosexual behavior.
LOL, yea i can only picture Sam being either a woman or a really effeminate (sic) dude.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisBorderline personality disorder has become the new pejorative term for annoying mental health disorders. It is a nebulous diagnosis which can encompass quite a number of behaviors, but there is a strong correlation between such a diagnosis and severe trauma and/or neglect, especially in early childhood. Those of us who have experienced the trauma of years of abuse, and who have found that, contrary to what we are frequently told, "getting over it" is not simply a matter of will power, are not really helped by a vague and insulting diagnosis. Name-calling, such as "drama queen," serves no analytical or therapeutic purpose.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisFor those who may read this article and who either suffer the intense pain of this disorder, or the confusion and pain of living with someone who does, Marsha Linehan's work and her Dialectal Behavioral Therapy can be a life-saver. She is one of the few therapists who has done any empirical study on borderline personality disorder, and one point she makes about the so-called "manipulative behavior" of those afflicted by it is that, given their intense emotional pain, they are "manipulative" in about the same way that a burn patient screaming for morphine is.
Mental illness of any kind is a hell for the afflicted, and disrupts and can even destroy the lives of those around them. It is not a condition for which anyone volunteers, however, but for which healing is desperately needed. A supposedly scientific publication such is as this, it would seem, could transcend the pejorative, objectifying, and speculative discourse with which such human tragedies are discussed in self-help books, and do a little research in order to address the causes, effects, and dynamics of understanding, healing, and prevention.
I call this the "fruitloop syndrome". I was involved with someone of the better part a two years. The theatrics were just too much for my sanity. Eventually I started listening to friends and went to see a councilor that was able to bring me to the realization to get away from it. [It] the BPD or classify it as you will, was something I didn't understand at all at the time until I educated myself because of the effect it was having on me. There was a strong compassion to this person but eventually I had to realize the importance of my own health.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThose who scoff at BPD have obviously never been involved with anyone who is afflicted with it. However, those who have been assaulted or even threatened with death by such volatile people will know better. Yet to the rest of the world they often appear sweet as pie. Hence, one's complaints often go unheeded.If you are involved with such a person, get away from them as soon as possible. But, above all, stay away!! Ignore the temptation to "help." They can't be helped by you. They are dangerous to your mental health, if not to your physical well-being.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisSam was actually a male patient. The story was abbreviated for space, but he presented at the clinic following an incident where he threatened suicide and then hid on a dark beach for over an hour as his friends and police searched for him, all as a "test" to see if they really wanted him. Sam is very useful as a case because he exemplifies the dynamics of panic, object loss, and anihilation fears that exist behind the drama behavior. However, Sam was quite extreme, and these dynamics frequently show up in much more subtle ways. I agree most vignettes use women to demonstrate borderline and histrionic personality disorders, but they very much exist in men as well.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisOphelia, author
Really, the story is nonsense. The individual in the first or lead paragraph is fictional. Even if there is a "story" at best it is a report of a couple of limited studies.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThank you, Good Article.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisMy friend has the "Drama Queen Problem" too.
I try not to answer the phone, if I know it's her.
Listening causes more harm than good.
It's not gay..."Drama Queen" is used to help form a mental picture of the problem.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisElizabethM,
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWeird people seem to enjoy doing weird things.
He says, "I like to be a little bit bad"
His flip side just happens to be "criminal behavior".
Should this person be free to kill other people because you have compassion for them?
I beg your pardon, Bops? "Should this person be free to kill other people because you have compassion for them?"
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWhat person? Is it your assumption about this disorder that those diagnosed with it are homicidal? That is not even a major component of the rather vague list of symptoms used for this diagnosis. Suicidal behavior and suicide are far more common in people with this disorder.
Some people with borderline personality disorder are actually so passive and timid as to be far more likely to be victims, should they run into a real sociopath. The problem I see with this article and the comments is a complete lack of knowledge of the complexities of diagnosing many mental health problems.
You may know someone whom you think has borderline personality disorder, but is closer to having a narcissistic personality disorder, or bipolar disorder. Sometimes these conditions overlap in the same individual. That is why all these generalizations and demonizations of those suffering from a specific disorder are off the mark.They seem like a way of labeling and objectifying people who annoy or frighten you than approached with a desire to understand human behavior.
While working at a university years ago, I had to help a young woman who had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. She was decidedly non-violent, but her behavior was disturbing to those who had had no contact with mental illness. It was more difficult to protect her from their taunts and verbal attacks, and to educate others about mental health issues than it was to deal with her.
To get back to your question, Bops. No matter how much we love someone, our first responsibility is self-preservation, and compassion and understanding should never cause us to put ourselves in the way of someone who could harm us. But vilifying and demonizing others is not the same as setting our own very necessary boundaries against their harmful behavior.
This entire thread reflects a lot more bitterness and fear than insight, and I believe it stems from constructing a "straw man" based on some rather vague symptomology, and then painting a target on it. Not what I would expect of this sort of publication, or its readers.
I agree with ElizabethM. The article shines light on something valid and important that should be addressed in our society - an area in mental health that needs funding and scientific research, and which I actually think is escalating the more we zoom into lives of dependence on modern technology and blurring of social norms and appropriate behaviors in the face of media sensationalism and common violence.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThis type of behavior is escalating (though I'm not a scientist, I will say I encounter it more than I ever used to) and deserves true scientific, nonbiased research. However, this article doesn't reflect any of that and is written, like some have mocked, like something in Details or GQ or InStyle magazine.
I 'm glad they highlighted it, I wished the presentation and shared facts were more comprehensive and less biased, and that there were more references to meaningful, supportive data and research/papers/publications.
Personally, my mother was one of these people. She'd never been diagnosed, but I know she is certifiably crazy. I don't know what type of crazy she is, but I know her type of crazy has damaged me and my siblings. And in the case of my siblings, she damaged them irreparably, to the point of driving both of them to different forms of self-destruction and addiction.
From my own case I'd presume the genetic aspect, and I'd also presume the traumatic childhood incident. But we need more data, less accusations of "quakery," and more respect for the complexity of a human being that doesn't sum us all up to "chemical imbalance." I don't believe a chemical imbalance can be purely resolved with drugs, nor entirely avoid other side effects, and that treatment can include multiple modalities and therapies that don't have to be surgical or pharmaceutical.
i really need advice, wonder if anyone can offer some, I have someone in my close circle, who, has become increasingly difficult, demanding and almost threatening and quite frankly i do not know what to do, this person has two sides, one kind, thoughful caring and within in a instant of disagreeing with this person, they become paranoid, aggressive, defensive, negative, throwing strops, ignoring me, being nice to my friends and family so i look the baddy, not only am i dealing with this behaviour, but the significant other also gets involved, also aggresssive, and willing to please this person, at any cost, i am so hurt by latest carry on, im worried for my sanity, days and special moments have been ruined due to this persons behaviour because they didnt have my full attention or agreement, i used to love this person as a dear friend, but there life circumstances have changed, where i have happily remained the same, i cant continue to walk on eggshells, im tired, but fear the consecquences, i honestly do! how sad for a grown,young person to fear the backlash of simply saying 'no, its not possible' or 'i cant' no matter what i do, if this person is not included or asked to be included then i literally suffer verbal abuse,and when i do ask, im told no, i wouldnt be interested , if it includes interacting with other people apart from me, the people i have chosen to spend my time with are belittled, and i end up agreeing for peace, i do feel this person has some issues, i seem to be the soft one who hasnt walked away out of loyalty, but i can no longer take it, im tired and have seen these people threaten and bully other people, everything is a huge negative drama, even though to the rest of the world its no big deal! if someone can offer any advice, id be very grateful, thankyou for your time, and for those who suggest i grow a backbone, its quite difficult when your feelings, beliefs and choices have been stamped into the ground, because this person wasnt included in them,drama ? ive so had enough!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisANTONIO J. R. MCLEAN� DERECHOS DE AUTOR� DICIEMBRE, 18 DEL 2010
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisEL SENTIMIENTO CRISTALINO EN EL AMAR
�QU� ES UN SENTIMIENTO? EL SENTIR ANTE UN ESTIMULO Y PERCEPCI�N; ES UNA EMOCI�N AFECTIVA Y MUY B�SICA EN CUANTO A IMPULSO AFECTIVO-EMOCIONAL. ESTOS PUEDEN SER AGRADABLES O DESAGRADABLES. CON DOLOR O PLACIDEZ. TODA EMOCI�N PRIMARIA EN TIEMPOS DE MIL�SIMAS DE SEGUNDOS INTERACCIONAN CON NUESTRO CEREBRO O MENTE; A ESTA MODULACI�N DE LA EMOCI�N EN FORMA CONTINUA SE LE LLAMA SENTIMIENTO. EN EL CEREBRO O MENTE GRAVAMOS O MEMORIZAMOS TODAS LAS VIVENCIAS, EXPERIENCIAS, CRIANZA, ENSE�ANZAS, EDUCACI�N, EN FIN TODO SENTIR O PERCIBIR CON ATENCI�N CONSCIENTE O INCONSCIENTE. EXPLICITA (CONSCIENTE.) O IMPL�CITA (INCONSCIENTE O SIN PRESTAR ATENCI�N.)
EN ESTE SENTIDO O CONCEPTO DE LAS NEUROCIENCIAS, NEUROFISIOLOG�AS, PSIQUIATR�A Y LAS CIENCIAS DE LA COGNICI�N; ADQUIRIMOS DESDE EL PRENATAL, LOS PRIMEROS A�OS INFANTILES, PUBERTAD, ADOLESCENCIA, ETAPA DEL ADULTO JUVENIL PASADO LOS TREINTA Y A�N M�S TODA LA CULTURA DEL INTELECTO QUE EST� EN LA MENTE Y A LA VEZ INTERACTUANDO EN CONTINUO CON NUESTRO CUERPO BIOL�GICO Y SUS CAMBIOS FISIOL�GICOS, EL ENTORNO GEOGR�FICO Y LOS CONTEXTOS DEL CONJUNTO SOCIAL. ES UN PROCESO DIN�MICO Y NADA DE EST�TICO.
CURIOSAMENTE PARECE, DE ACUERDO A LAS MISMAS CIENCIAS, QUE EN UN PORCENTAJE MAYOR AL NOVENTA POR CIENTO SE ADQUIEREN EN FORMA IMPL�CITA [01] O SEA SIN PRESTAR ATENCI�N CONSCIENTE Y NUESTRO PENSAR Y ACTUAR PUEDE DEPENDER DE ELLO. POR IGUAL, MUCHO DE NUESTRO ADQUIRIR ELEMENTOS CULTURALES DEL AMBIENTE SON EN ALTA ESCALA POR IMITACI�N; QUE LA MISMA PEDAGOG�A DE LA EDUCACI�N LA USA PARA LA ENSE�ANZA Y APRENDER DESTREZAS. A�N MAYOR, ES QUE MUCHO DE ESTE CONOCER Y APRENDER PUEDE PASAR DE UNA GENERACI�N A OTRA. HASTA EN POCOS CASOS SE ADQUIEREN ENFERMEDADES DE ESTE TIPO Y SE PUEDE PENSAR QUE SON GEN�TICAS.
CUANDO AL SENTIR LA AFINIDAD DEL AMAR EN ESTE CASO NOS REFERIMOS AL AMOR DE PAREJAS, A�N CUANDO SE PUEDE AMAR A MUCHOS SERES Y OBJETOS LE AGREGAMOS EL ADJETIVO DE CRISTALINO COMO MET�FORA POR LA TRANSPARENCIA DEL CRISTAL. ES SENTIR AFINIDADES, SIMPAT�A, EMPAT�A (COMPRENDER LAS SITUACIONES DEL OTRO Y A�N MAYOR.) VIVIR REALIDADES Y SOBRE TODO UNA COMUNICACI�N SINCERA, TRANSPARENTE Y HASTA PERMEAR NUESTRAS INTIMIDADES.
CON LO QUE UNO AMA, BIEN SEA UNA PAREJA, LOS HIJOS, FAMILIARES, ETC., ES UNA CONDICI�N DE CONFIANZA Y DELICADEZA; AGREGAR QUE CUIDAR ES AMAR. PRIMERO
ANTONIO J. R. MCLEAN® DERECHOS DE AUTOR© DICIEMBRE, 18 DEL 2010
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisEL SENTIMIENTO CRISTALINO EN EL AMAR
¿QUÉ ES UN SENTIMIENTO? EL SENTIR ANTE UN ESTIMULO Y PERCEPCIÓN; ES UNA EMOCIÓN AFECTIVA Y MUY BÁSICA EN CUANTO A IMPULSO AFECTIVO-EMOCIONAL. ESTOS PUEDEN SER AGRADABLES O DESAGRADABLES. CON DOLOR O PLACIDEZ. TODA EMOCIÓN PRIMARIA EN TIEMPOS DE MILÉSIMAS DE SEGUNDOS INTERACCIONAN CON NUESTRO CEREBRO O MENTE; A ESTA MODULACIÓN DE LA EMOCIÓN EN FORMA CONTINUA SE LE LLAMA SENTIMIENTO. EN EL CEREBRO O MENTE GRAVAMOS O MEMORIZAMOS TODAS LAS VIVENCIAS, EXPERIENCIAS, CRIANZA, ENSEÑANZAS, EDUCACIÓN, EN FIN TODO SENTIR O PERCIBIR CON ATENCIÓN CONSCIENTE O INCONSCIENTE. EXPLICITA (CONSCIENTE.) O IMPLÍCITA (INCONSCIENTE O SIN PRESTAR ATENCIÓN.)
EN ESTE SENTIDO O CONCEPTO DE LAS NEUROCIENCIAS, NEUROFISIOLOGÍAS, PSIQUIATRÍA Y LAS CIENCIAS DE LA COGNICIÓN; ADQUIRIMOS DESDE EL PRENATAL, LOS PRIMEROS AÑOS INFANTILES, PUBERTAD, ADOLESCENCIA, ETAPA DEL ADULTO JUVENIL – PASADO LOS TREINTA Y AÚN MÁS – TODA LA CULTURA DEL INTELECTO QUE ESTÁ EN LA MENTE Y A LA VEZ INTERACTUANDO EN CONTINUO CON NUESTRO CUERPO BIOLÓGICO Y SUS CAMBIOS FISIOLÓGICOS, EL ENTORNO GEOGRÁFICO Y LOS CONTEXTOS DEL CONJUNTO SOCIAL. ES UN PROCESO DINÁMICO Y NADA DE ESTÁTICO.
CURIOSAMENTE PARECE, DE ACUERDO A LAS MISMAS CIENCIAS, QUE EN UN PORCENTAJE MAYOR AL NOVENTA POR CIENTO SE ADQUIEREN EN FORMA IMPLÍCITA [01] O SEA SIN PRESTAR ATENCIÓN CONSCIENTE Y NUESTRO PENSAR Y ACTUAR PUEDE DEPENDER DE ELLO. POR IGUAL, MUCHO DE NUESTRO ADQUIRIR ELEMENTOS CULTURALES DEL AMBIENTE SON EN ALTA ESCALA POR IMITACIÓN; QUE LA MISMA PEDAGOGÍA DE LA EDUCACIÓN LA USA PARA LA ENSEÑANZA Y APRENDER DESTREZAS. AÚN MAYOR, ES QUE MUCHO DE ESTE CONOCER Y APRENDER PUEDE PASAR DE UNA GENERACIÓN A OTRA. HASTA EN POCOS CASOS SE ADQUIEREN ENFERMEDADES DE ESTE TIPO Y SE PUEDE PENSAR QUE SON GENÉTICAS.
CUANDO AL SENTIR LA AFINIDAD DEL AMAR – EN ESTE CASO NOS REFERIMOS AL AMOR DE PAREJAS, AÚN CUANDO SE PUEDE AMAR A MUCHOS SERES Y OBJETOS – LE AGREGAMOS EL ADJETIVO DE CRISTALINO – COMO METÁFORA – POR LA TRANSPARENCIA DEL CRISTAL. ES SENTIR AFINIDADES, SIMPATÍA, EMPATÍA (COMPRENDER LAS SITUACIONES DEL OTRO Y AÚN MAYOR.) VIVIR REALIDADES Y SOBRE TODO UNA COMUNICACIÓN SINCERA, TRANSPARENTE Y HASTA PERMEAR NUESTRAS INTIMIDADES.
CON LO QUE UNO AMA, BIEN SEA UNA PAREJA, LOS HIJOS, FAMILIARES, ETC., ES UNA CONDICIÓN DE CONFIANZA Y DELICADEZA; AGREGAR QUE CUIDAR ES AMAR. PRIMERO
How are chemical imbalances diagnosed--through the symptoms they produce. Just because looking at the symptoms and diagnosing based on the behavioral/mental patterns observed cannot be "quantified" or measured with a ruler doesn't mean that they are not a legitimate tool for understanding mental differences or mental illness. I cannot speak specifically to borderline disorder, but certainly depression is real, anxiety disorders are real, phobias are real. Medication is not the only way to treat these disorders--the right kind of talk therapy and learning the skills to reframe harmful thoughts can treat these. Medication may be necessary for the most severe cases, but it is not always necessary, and some would certainly prefer to avoid putting any more synthetic chemicals into their bodies than absolutely necessary.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI have suffered from mild depression and mild social anxiety. Cognitive behavioral therapy (a specific type of talk therapy) has helped me a great deal. While it was not enough on its own and I was put on medication in addition, I definitely feel that the inclusion of cognitive behavioral therapy has greatly reduced the dose of medication necessary. I would much rather learn to reframe my thoughts so that my brain naturally produces more serotonin than just take it in artificially for the rest of my life along with whatever filler the drug company sees fit to use in it.
And as to your accusation that therapists treat people for 30 plus years, most cognitive behavioral therapists expect treatment to last less than five years. Treatment for longer than that is unlikely to be effective, I agree, but that duration of treatment is the exception rather than the norm, unless you're thinking solely of in-depth psychoanalysis, which at least the PhD psychologist to whom I spoke regarding my own issues thinks is a waste of time for serious treatment and better suited for the wealthy to use for in-depth self-discovery--and that is certainly entirely elective.
this article is misleading and incorrect bewared readers.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThank you EizabthM. I am a lifelong sufferer of BPD and am stunned by the dismissive tone of the article, and the profound and sometimes arrogant tone of many of the comments.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI challenge any of these "non's" to spend a single day in the shoes of a borderline. Where hearing a crying baby n a grocery store can bring on such powerful emotions of empathetic loss that they struggle against panic and tears for hours. Where a loved on leaving a room can evoke such an experience of abandonment that they need to spend several minutes focusing on overcoming the inner experience of loss.
Self awareness, DBT tools, and years of conscious discipline can moderate the effects of these emotions and allow us to lead more normal lives, and there are many self aware BPD patients that contribute to society and form strong relationships with supportive partners. But they spend every day battling against symptoms, and their bravery should evoke compassion, not scorn.
I wonder if SI would run an article about the impact on co-workers of pesky wheelchair bound cripples that clog us elevators, or the trials of having a person with a speech disorder in the office?
Some schools of thought have found clusters of borderlines with two specific elements, being born with exquisitely sensitive emotional sensitivity, and being raised in deeply invalidating and abusive environments. Sexual and physical abuse are also common factors.
So that "drama queen" in your office,if they are a true borderline, likely was born barely equipped to function well in society, and rather than being equipped from a young age to cope and remain our most sensitive members of society, were abused and crushed by disturbed and cruel parents and families.
Borderlines struggle against unseen but very real biologic and developmental forces, and attitudes such as displayed in this article, and especially the insensitive and arrogant comments deepen the shame and torture of these lives.
Walk a mile in my shoes.
Altered brain chemistry may reflect a disorder; however, it is hardly far fetched to suggest that emotional experiences at a young age could alter brain development.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisIf there are any trends in how emotional trauma affect neurological development, then scientists would first see them as behavioral patterns. Many years later we may understand the chemistry.
Just remember that acupuncture works and hypnotism work for many things, but we don't understand the chemistry.