In Brief
- Researchers have long observed that children have distinct attachment styles to caregivers, which appear to predict certain behaviors.
- More recently, they have begun to appreciate that adults also display attachment styles in romantic settings—and these styles can predict the success of romantic relationships.
- The important lesson is that your love life does not have to be left to chance; understanding your attachment style, and your partner’s, can help you find and build a satisfactory relationship.
More In This Article
Reprinted from Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, by Amir Levine, M.D., and Rachel S. F. Heller, M.A., with permission of J. P. Tarcher, a member of the Penguin Group USA. Copyright © 2010 by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller.
A few years ago our close friend Tamara started dating someone new:
See what we're tweeting about
13 Comments
Add CommentTo find out your attachment style--or that of your partner--they also have a quiz on their website. Find out if you are anxious, avoidant, or insecure: http://www.attachedthebook.com/compatibility-quiz/
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWhat a disappointing article for such an interesting idea. Instead of stories about how the authors stumbled upon research, I'd be interested in: do males and females typically belong in one group more than the other? are the types part of a spectrum or discrete? is there any research dealing with matching of types (beyond: run from the bad ones)? can people work on changing their attachment types? do romantic attachments mirror maternal attachments? Just a few suggestions off the top of my head to make this less of a People Magazine article.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisHas there been research partialing out the effects of temperament (genetically based) from the environmental influences of early parenting? These attachment styles resemble facets of the Big five (neuroticism, extraversion) and perhaps inborn temperament drives attachment style rather than vice versa, or perhaps there is reciprocal influence.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI really like this article and can correlate it with work I've done with others and also in respect of myself. I'd like to add though that sometimes 'life will get in the way' and if our self-esteem gets knocked we may end up in a different category for a while, only persistent work on editing or changing our self-esteem will get us to a good and useful place for ourself and others (and again I write from personal and client experience). And when we get there it's wonderful. And imho and experience it's no different for men or for women, but it does depend on where Mum is at the significant time or the significant caregiver. Thanks for this article.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThe following article is relevant: Bokhorst, Caroline L., Bakermans-Kranenburg, Marian J., Fearon, R. M. Pasco, Van IJzendoorn, Marinus H., Fonagy, Peter, and Schuengel, Carlo. 2003. The Importance of Shared Environment in Mother–Infant Attachment Security: A Behavioral Genetic Study. Child Development 74(6):1769-1782.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI'm aware of a few strong predictors of marital discord, couple dissatisfaction, and divorce- Adult attachment inventories are fascinating. But, is anyone aware of research on combinations or particular styles that predict distress, divorce, or how tractable they are?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThanks in advance,
<a href="http://www.jryanfuller.com/"
target="_blank">J. Ryan Fuller</a>
I've noticed all three attachment styles in myself at different times in my life: my high school sweetheart was Avoidant, and I was Anxious; in friendships, I tend to be Avoidant - the more Anxious-type my friends are, the more Avoidant I become (which makes life difficult, because my best friend is of the Anxious sort, and though I love her like a sister, I can't help but push her away); in my marriage, on the other hand, we are both very much the Secure-type, though I will admit that during our courtship, when it became obvious that the relationship was becoming serious, I put forth a lot of effort to behave like the Secure-types. How much do the attachment styles of others affect how we react to them?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisthere has been a way thanks to which [url=http://essaywritingservices.org/college-essay.php]college essay[/url] might be the proper one over the thing as well
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisBut how do they know that "attachment" style is really a fundamentally stable trait? If ones partner makes one anxious, or dissatisfaction causes one to become "avoidant," this will show up in a questionnaire, but how does one know that is because of the way one "is," as opposed to ones reaction to events? And if one also responds that one is having trouble with the relationship, can we really say that it was the wonderful theory that "predicted" the outcome, or was it just the problems that caused the people to come out in the study as being "avoidant" or "anxious"?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI'm increasingly inclined to view SciAm_Mind as a kind of snobbish self-help exercise - I confess that I love doing the Mensa puzzles and getting the instant gratification that most of the articles provide but science? Do me a favour! This attachment piece is a case in point - so plausible, and yet, so irrefutable as to be meaningless. Any reasonably educated person could come up with his or her spectrum of epithets to describe basic human sensibilities, what substantive good comes from it? Also, putting one's academic qualifications after one's name is an instant turn-off.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAnd of course all of this is based on an assumed heterosexual bonding. Come on, try to rise above your own programming and show some interest in someone other than yourself.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI found this article to be really informative and helpful. I picked up the magazine after going through another breakup (or shall I say, another "never even got off the ground" relationship). It gives me hope that if I can try to manage the feelings that I'm having and recognized that it's part of a pattern, then maybe the next time, if there ever is a next time, I can start on the road to having a relationship with someone (or at least not give up and give into my anxiety before it even gets started).
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWish me luck...I need it.
Read the book it covers all of your questions!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this