Research has demonstrated that threats to belonging elicit a wide array of cognitions and behaviors directed at maintaining social connections. One particularly intriguing finding is that people appear to become highly sensitive to social cues following social rejection or when lonely. For example, individuals with a heightened need to belong are better at decoding emotional facial expressions and exhibit an enhanced memory for socially relevant information compared to their less socially-needy counterparts.
So, in much the same way as a person on a restrictive diet may salivate while poring over the buttery flakes of a warm croissant, a person who has few or fragile relationships experiences a similar perceptual shift which enhances their sensitivity to interpersonal cues. It follows that such a perceptual shift might cause a parasocial relationship to feel even more “real” or satisfying to a lonely person than to someone who is not lonely.
Unfortunately, the main advantage of a parasocial relationship is also its greatest drawback: its one sidedness. Social surrogates are the safest of social connections insofar as they can provide the psychological experience of a connection with none of the painful slights, time consuming maintenance, or personal sacrifice of a real relationship. A social surrogate is consistently available, at the same time, on the same channel, from week to week. As people’s time becomes more limited by work and obligations, it seems much easier to flip on the TV than to spend time cultivating new friendships and risk rejection by doing so. Seeming to support this is the fact that the average American home has more TVs than people, and the average American watches more than four and a half hours of TV a day. Thus, our ability to satisfying our need to belong through television may ultimately come at the expense of real relationships where the risks are greater, but the potential rewards are greater as well.
It is also the case that even very popular TV shows eventually get taken off the air. In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships,Jonathan Cohen, of the Department of Communication at the University of Haifa in Israel, examined the responses of television viewers to the potential loss of their favorite television characters. Cohen found that viewers anticipated experiencing the same negative reactions to parasocial breakups as they experience when their real social relationships dissolve. Even though parasocial relationships may offer a quick and easy fix for unmet belonging needs, individuals within these relationships may not be spared the pain and anguish of relationship dissolution.
It remains to be seen whether social surrogacy is like a candy bar in the vending machine, which briefly satiates the hunger of real belonging but is ultimately unsatisfying, or whether it serves as a meal, replacing real relationships in some lasting way.
Are you a scientist? Have you recently read a peer-reviewed paper that you want to write about? Then contact Mind Matters co-editor Gareth Cook, a Pulitzer prize-winning journalist at the Boston Globe, where he edits the Sunday Ideas section.
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38 Comments
Add CommentBook series work the same way. I'm not a very social person and I don't watch much TV, but I read a lot and I love a series. I recognized a connection between my love of a series and other people's attachment to a TV program. However, I think that usually books would be healthier and that people will not become so addicted to the characters, it's more a situation of hoping for another book with a particular character, but not a need for that character. One looks for books by a particular author because that author creates characters with whom we can relate. We look for the relationship with characters but we can have a very wide circle of fictional friends and we can always find more fictional friends. It is possible to become addicted to characters in a book though. Just remember the reaction of the readers when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle killed Sherlock Holmes.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisTo me, Blog works in the same way as TV series and books does. I have some fans, but none of them are actually living in my circle. They are far away,thus, they are more nice, compared to some people I face everyday. Sometimes, I doubt if this is unhealthy, then I realized, this era is just like this. Many people have kinda social surrogates, it is might be called as new social evolution in this time .
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI wonder if chatting with friends over the internet is something similar, a less personal connection can be made with a person (like television characters but not quite so passive) i am constantly talking to friends online but i rarely talk to them in person.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI don't have many friends. But, in my life, there are three friends who are important to me. They are my real friends, i will spend time to talk to them or send e-mail. So, in my opinion, from time to time, we should meet friends, although we have tight schedule. After all, we should live for life, we are social person.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI don't have many friends. But, in my life, there are three friends who are important to me. They are my real friends, i will spend time to talk to them or send e-mail. So, in my opinion, from time to time, we should meet friends, although we have tight schedule. After all, we should live for life, we are social person.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI don't have many friends. But, in my life, there are three friends who are important to me. They are my real friends, i will spend time to talk to them or send e-mail. So, in my opinion, from time to time, we should meet friends, although we have tight schedule. After all, we should live for life, we are social person.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisHistory class seems to be the surrogate for me. I enjoyed reading about past events, and viewing the footage of the JFK, MLK and RFK assassinations was as emotional as watching the moon landing.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI agree that a book series by a favorite author is the exact same thing as being attached to a particular television series for the characters that we identify with when we feel lonely and rejected by people in the real world . I have three authors I like a great deal and buy every book the write, one writes fiction and has two series' I love and one writes non fiction but I love his voice and one writes both. Books are better than real people.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisFreud would have a field day with this....object relations ;)
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAlso it would be interesting to look at this finding and the intense interpersonal relationship persons with Borderline personality believe they have to others....only to their detriment when it isn't so.....
Freud would have a field day with this....object relations ;)
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAlso it would be interesting to look at this finding and the intense interpersonal relationship persons with Borderline personality believe they have to others....only to their detriment when it isn't so.....
The same need to connect with others leads to religious fanaticism, suicide bombers, and anarchists willing to go to any lengths to prove themselves to a peer group.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisOh, how I live the little psychologists. playing grown uo games.
Agreed. Additionally, sometimes, especially in the last few years, some authors write their novels on-line, so that they can depict a new character after asking readers who are his or her fans took part in a particular reader's group on the Internet for suggestions about the characters' trait, which means readers nowadays, compared with the readers dacades ago, can not only enjoy the relationship by the creation of writers themselves, but can probably give advice and recieve acceptance to make characters they expect in their real lives as well.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisfor me because i only have 3 friends that are very dear to me NO one has ever understood me thats why i spend most my time here so over time i naturaly developed another contiousnes that constantely yalks to me and understands me
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisfor me because i only have 3 friends that are very dear to me NO one has ever understood me thats why i spend most my time here so over time i naturaly developed another contiousnes that constantely yalks to me and understands me
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAs usual, the comments always provide more rational approaches which I think will do in my case.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisSome people have invented complete imaginary worlds for themselves with many inhabitants. These worlds are almost as real, or sometimes more real, to the imaginors than their real daily lives and are usually much more interesting. You can read about them online by finding "ask.metafilter.com I've invented a complete imaginary world -am I insane?" I would like to know more about this situation and what makes it occur.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThis article is stupid--or perhaps, like so much current pseudo-science, it's been sponsored by a multinational that owns a large share of the monopolized media. A three-year-old can have an imaginary friend; a grown-up shouldn't. I'm 73, divorced, live alone and hardly ever get lonely. That's because I'm overwhelmed with too many activities by one of my veterans' groups, Grannies Peace Brigade or my church's Social Justice Ministry, and some weeks run from one rally for justice and peace to another. I also spend time wisely surfing the Independent news on the web, writing or forwarding thoughtful articles and emails, getting together with friends, reading, writing poetry and stories, painting, building & playing musical instruments, composing songs, cooking, sewing, shopping, doing home chores and, occasionally, sleeping. Especially at my age, I DO NOT waste time on televised frivolities or, as this simpering author seems to suggest we should, on junk food.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI do look at TV occasionally, at most two hours a week. I don't have (or want) cable, don't watch fake "news"--never saw one moment of the OJ Simpson affair or Michael Jackson's post-death hype. I will watch public TV documentaries now and then, and other shows that improve the mind. I agree with my late mother, who especially detested soap operas because the human relationships propagandized fake hyper-emotional responses and were demeaning, especially to women. The only continuing stories I've ever watched without irritation were intelligent series for mental grown-ups like "The Prisoner", "Deep Space Nine" and the better-made Korean historical dramas, created for schools in Korea and subtitled for U.S. audiences, like the recent "Great King Sejong."
Nearly all television is garbage. I love great comedy but sitcoms and pop entertainment make me want to cry. Reality TV is nothing but exploitation. Now that the channels are owned by a few monopolies run by sinister foreigners like SIR Rupert Murdoch it's worse than ever, and it wasn't nicknamed the Idiot Box in the 1950s for nothing.
Chris Hedges has a new book, "The Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle." Its somber theme is the destruction of modern Americans' ability to read critically and reason caused by televised brain-dead entertainment and info-tainment disguised as "news", as well as by brutal movies and video games. They are the "circuses" that divert people from realizing that the "bread" has turned moldy and rotten in this country.
(ONE TWO THREE FOUR)
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAll I need is a TV show, that and the radio
Down on my luck again, down on my luck again
I can show you I can show you some of the people in my life
I can show you I can show you some of the people in my life
It's driving me mad just another way of passing the day
I, I get so lonely when she's not there
I,I.I,I,I!...
You're just another face that I know from the TV show
I have known you for so very long I feel you like a friend
Can't you do anything for me, can I touch you for a while
Can I meet you on another day and we will fly away
I can show you I can show you!, some of the people in my life
I can show you I can show you!, some of the people in my life
It's driving me mad it's just another way of passing the day
I, I get so lonely when she's not there
I,I. I,I,I!...
Turn it on, turn it on, turn it on again
Turn it on, turn it on, turn it on again (I can see another face)
Turn it on, turn it on, turn it on again (I can see another face)
Turn it on, turn it on, turn it on again (I can see another face)
(fades out)
(ONE TWO THREE FOUR)
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAll I need is a TV show, that and the radio
Down on my luck again, down on my luck again
I can show you I can show you some of the people in my life
I can show you I can show you some of the people in my life
It's driving me mad just another way of passing the day
I, I get so lonely when she's not there
I,I.I,I,I!...
You're just another face that I know from the TV show
I have known you for so very long I feel you like a friend
Can't you do anything for me, can I touch you for a while
Can I meet you on another day and we will fly away
I can show you I can show you!, some of the people in my life
I can show you I can show you!, some of the people in my life
It's driving me mad it's just another way of passing the day
I, I get so lonely when she's not there
I,I. I,I,I!...
Turn it on, turn it on, turn it on again
Turn it on, turn it on, turn it on again (I can see another face)
Turn it on, turn it on, turn it on again (I can see another face)
Turn it on, turn it on, turn it on again (I can see another face)
(fades out)
i prefer talk radio especially coast-to-coast.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisthat and kraft dinner keep many people alive no joke.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThis story reminded me of a New York Times article that discussed men in Japan who fall in love with Anime characters. Some of them even go so far as to date their "2-D" characters. It is an interesting if not slightly disturbing article to read. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/26/magazine/26FOB-2DLove-t.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=anime%20pillow&st=cse
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisIt seems that losing a TV show (friend) is analogous to losing a real friend, which happens all the time via moves, losing interest, disagreements, death, etc. However, it seemsthat losing a real friend would be much more traumatic; how can losing an imaginary friend be as bad as the death of a real friend, or a prolonged, intense disagreement with a friend. In addition, most people have more than 1 favorite TV show. So,if a show ends, they can move to another to find solace. In addition, with TIVO, Netflix (viewing on demand if your TV or Bluray player is connected to the web), etc. a person can find a satisfying relationship instantaneously.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI love the mystery series by Laurie R. King, one by Deborah Crombie and a those several by Anne Perry. They really are like family friends!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI have one friend who came to my rescue last year following surgery and then a subsequent stroke. She walked with me every step of the way, am sure she was as important to my recovery as medicine I took.
um...duh
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAnd some others, like Bush, not only talk to their imaginary Geezaz friend, they think he talks back.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI've known of the value of TV for several years. Seven years ago, I experienced a stunning set of interpersonal losses. I divorced. My twin children left for college. My father, whom I had been caring for, died. And a previously planned retirement from my employment took effect.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI was really alone. Besides loneliness, I also felt purposeless.
To help, I became more involved with my church. I continued a member of a men's group. I began taking courses and going to lectures.
But over the years, I've come more and more to recognize the value of television in this regard. I watch every evening, mostly news shows. I've come to regard the talking heads as my friends. Silly, I know. Since I'm a liberal, I feel I have much to share with Olbermann, Maddow, Schultz, and others. It really helps me to feel less lonely, particularly in the lonesome evening when the day's activities have ended.
Since that time
To solve the problems caused by the development of the society, variety of strange phenomenons have come out. Not only TVs, books, historic materials, but pets, computer games are also the access to make people feel less lonely. I think, however, the situation will go worse and worse. It is not the best solution.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI think as long as this apparent solution to loneliness is treated just like a small snack or a nap, then perhaps it does have use. But the trouble is, a massive number of people end up watching TV all the time, and become mentally obese..
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAnd another crucial downside to these "surrogate friends" is how one-sided the relationship is - a real-life friend you actually communicate with can actually help you when you have problems - is Joey from Friends going to offer you any real support? This crucial part of real social relations is completely missing.
Also, it may mutate (well, I think it already has) the shape of social networks by the fact that most TV is produced by a tiny minority of people with a certain set of values, who promote particular morals and attitudes (towards violence, for instance) which would not survive in face-to-face relations.
And the fact that TV is taking up the time that was formerly spent with real humans (not scripted) means so many people nowadays (in Britain/London at least) are incredibly closed-off and socially anxious. Crucial lessons that we must experience for ourselves are not being learnt. You can never embarass yourself in front of a TV character, never push the boundaries of what you are comfortable doing, and so you remain comfortable only at home on the sofa, nowhere else, where social interactions are offered up to you on a plate hassle-free, with all caring and effort done for you by other characters on the screen.
TV and Internet can fill up the void of some psychological needs to belong. But these are crude interactions compared to the future "AI" technologies. Can Robots become our friend?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisTV and Internet can fill up the void of some psychological needs to belong. But these are crude interactions compared to the future "AI" technologies. Can Robots become our friend?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisTV and many other means are fillling psycological needs of the people. But to what extent these means should fill should fill the people's psycological gap is a big question mark. When people feel lonely, depressed and socially alienated, they resort to TV or Internet. I think the fast pace of life has killed the patience and love between individuals. This phenomenon has made people to look for other sources of love and friendship whether it is one sideed, as mentioned in article, or twosided, or manysided anonymous friendships online, or anything. I personally have gone through phases of depression and resorted to online friendship. I got so much addicted that I took a great deal of time and effort to come out of the situation.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisIronically, these findings are used by TV episode makers rather than someone who has done good. I personally feel that this phenomenon can never be reversed as the society progresses and may be, we should see that these things affect the society in positve manner.
This electronic sphere of social integration is larger than TV. We're currently connected by WiFi, Blackberry, cell phones, radio, web sites, chat rooms, forums . . .
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisTake a close gander at the next teen you see. Earbuds and a cell phone . . . and they're in their own personal "electronic social bubble."
Not so much "imaginary" as it is media mediated.
Used to be we connected socially at the "town square" or around the pot-bellied stove at the feed store. Before that it was the tribal campfire.
The new "campfire" is electronic. We're electronically integrated. Whether "good" or "bad" is a moot point. Fact is that electronic social integration is ineluctable.
Personally, I like being able to comment on a Scientific American article to "colleagues" in cyberspace whom I've never met.
TV news does my homework for me re: current events, politics.
I miss Denny Crane on Boston Legal.
But I'm sitting in a small library in a rural town on the North Oregon Coast, essentially isolated from most forms of "culture" -- except what is provided to me by media, WiFi, and iTunes radio.
Works for me. Works for Bob. Bob is my imaginary bobcat. He's invisible, but the kids like him -- once they get past "Is Bob gonna eat me?"
Interesting study. These findings remind me of the studies on maternal deprivation in monkeys, many years ago, where it was found that having a cloth "mother" to cling to was better for chimps than having no mother at all. Although our higher minds know our TV "friends" aren't real, our lower brains and instinctual responses are fooled into accepting the solace.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThis article is very true. I find myself and others I know depending on favorite characters of tv shows to lift our moods.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWell, through the power of the social networking site such as Twitter, I have found that the role of 'surrogate friends' does not have to be as one-sided as everyone thinks!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisPeople who use Twitter might be aware that there are many role playing communities based on entire tv shows, and one can simply choose to 'follow' certain fictional characters.
As these characters send a tweet, a pretty awesome level of interaction can be achieved, especially if the option to send their tweets to your phone via text is enabled.
It feels just like receiving a text from a friend! Interaction with such fictional characters is so easy (so what if it's just some random fan just quoting or pretending to be Captain Jean-Luc Picard?)
Who else is guilty of such nerdery? I know I am.
as a teen i can understand the relationships that we have but these cause a lot of chaos in our lives instead of school we focus more on kim kardshian and justin beiber dreaming that we would meet them the stars basically run our lives
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisSpeaking of imaginary friends, what about imaginary siblings? Are they that different, and are we ever too old to wonder what they'd be like if they were real?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisCheck out an article on imagining the ideal sister by Gina Barreca: http://www.courant.com/news/opinion/hc-op-barreca-secretly-wishing-for-divine-sisterho-20120614,0,1810523.column