Image: ISABELLE CARDINAL
-
The Wisdom of Psychopaths
In this engrossing journey into the lives of psychopaths and their infamously crafty behaviors, the renowned psychologist Kevin Dutton reveals that there is a...
Read More »
Many of the 1.5 million children in the U.S. whose parents divorce every year feel as if their worlds are falling apart. Divorcing parents are usually very concerned about the welfare of their children during this troublesome process. Some parents are so worried that they remain in unhappy marriages, believing it will protect their offspring from the trauma of divorce.
Yet parents who split have reasons for hope. Researchers have found that only a relatively small percentage of children experience serious problems in the wake of divorce or, later, as adults. In this column, we discuss these findings as well as factors that may protect children from the potentially harmful effects of divorce.
Rapid Recovery
Divorce affects most children in the short run, but research suggests that kids recover rapidly after the initial blow. In a 2002 study psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington of the University of Virginia and her then graduate student Anne Mitchell Elmore found that many children experience short-term negative effects from divorce, especially anxiety, anger, shock and disbelief. These reactions typically diminish or disappear by the end of the second year. Only a minority of kids suffer longer.
Most children of divorce also do well in the longer term. In a quantitative review of the literature in 2001, sociologist Paul R. Amato, then at Pennsylvania State University, examined the possible effects on children several years after a divorce. The studies compared children of married parents with those who experienced divorce at different ages. The investigators followed these kids into later childhood, adolescence or the teenage years, assessing their academic achievement, emotional and behavior problems, delinquency, self-concept and social relationships. On average, the studies found only very small differences on all these measures between children of divorced parents and those from intact families, suggesting that the vast majority of children endure divorce well.
Researchers have consistently found that high levels of parental conflict during and after a divorce are associated with poorer adjustment in children. The effects of conflict before the separation, however, may be the reverse in some cases. In a 1985 study Hetherington and her associates reported that some children who are exposed to high levels of marital discord prior to divorce adjust better than children who experience low levels. Apparently when marital conflict is muted, children are often unprepared when told about the upcoming divorce. They are surprised, perhaps even terrified, by the news. In addition, children from high-discord families may experience the divorce as a welcome relief from their parents' fighting.
Taken together, the findings suggest that only a small percentage of young people experience divorce-related problems. Even here the causes of these lingering difficulties remain uncertain. Some troubles may arise from conflict between Mom and Dad associated with the divorce. The stress of the situation can also cause the quality of parenting to suffer. Divorce frequently contributes to depression, anxiety or substance abuse in one or both parents and may bring about difficulties in balancing work and child rearing. These problems can impair a parent's ability to offer children stability and love when they are most in need.
Grown-up Concerns
The experience of divorce can also create problems that do not appear until the late teenage years or adulthood. In 2000 in a book entitled The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study, Judith Wallerstein, then at the University of California, Berkeley, and her colleagues present detailed case studies suggesting that most adults who were children of divorce experience serious problems such as depression and relationship issues.
Yet scientific research does not support the view that problems in adulthood are prevalent; it instead demonstrates that most children of divorce become well-adjusted adults. For example, in a 2002 book, For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered, Hetherington and her co-author, journalist John Kelly, describe a 25-year study in which Hetherington followed children of divorce and children of parents who stayed together. She found that 25 percent of the adults whose parents had divorced experienced serious social, emotional or psychological troubles compared with 10 percent of those whose parents remained together. These findings suggest that only 15 percent of adult children of divorce experience problems over and above those from stable families. No one knows whether this difference is caused by the divorce itself or by variables, such as poorer parenting, that often accompany a marriage's dissolution.
Rights & Permissions
See what we're tweeting about
17 Comments
Add CommentDid I miss the part where the kid was placed solely with the dysfunctional parent who was ultimately responsible for the failure? My ex is exactly like her mom, I stayed and put up with the BS to try to break the cycle have a normal kid.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisYou are arguing that a 15% increase in problems as an adult is either not that big of a concern or may be related to other factors. If you were reviewing a drug, and the side effects included increased heart problems in 15% more customers than the regular public, you would have a hard time convincing people that it wasn't significant. The author is justifying a bias, not using the same rigor we would use with any other study.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisrfairbanks is quite correct but I would go further. Understanding that this is a political piece would make one wonder about the validity even of the 15% figure. Also I saw no mention of the age of the children involved. A divorce is going to obviously have different effects on a two years than a six year old or a twelve year old. The effects on one of those age groups might be far worse than the average and make an overall figure close to meaningless.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThe vast preponderance of actual violent crime and substance abuse proceeds from single-parent homes and fatherless children more than any other factor far surpassing race and poverty. The explosion of single parenthood is usually and resignedly blamed on paternal abandonment with the only remedy being ever-more draconian but ineffective child support "crackdowns." Yet no evidence indicates that the proliferation of single-parent homes results from absconding fathers. If we accept that single motherhood is precisely what feminists say it is-the deliberate choice of their sexual revolution-it is then apparent that sexual liberation lies behind not only these newfangled sexual crimes,but also the larger trend of actual crime and incarceration. Feminism is driving both the criminalization of the innocent and the criminality of the guilty. (Baskerville-Gulag)
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWe will continue to fight a losing battle against crime, incarceration, and expansive government power until we confront the sexual ideology that is driving not only family breakdown and the ensuing social anomie but the criminalization of the male population. Ever-more-repressive measures will only further erode freedom. Under a leftist regime, conservatives must rethink their approach to crime and punishment and their unwitting collusion with America's homegrown Stalinists. (Baskerville-Feminist Gulag).
So, Archimedes, it's the fault of women, that's what you're saying? Amazes me how easy it is for some people to justify misogyny.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWell clearly, divorce is not good for children.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI hate these kinds of correlation studies, where the kids of divorced parents are compared with the kids of parents who stayed together, and any differences found are taken to be effects of the divorce. There are simply no controls, making the data basically worthless.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThe first point is uncontroversial: We've never compared the outcomes of children of almost-stayed-together parents to children of "almost-divorced but stayed together with gritted teeth for the sake of the children" parents. That would be the relevant comparison for anyone who is interested in isolating the DIVORCE variable from the countless other variables.
The second point is more controversial but shouldn't be ignored outright. Parents who can't make their marriage work might just be different sorts of people from ones who can, in terms of temperament and other qualities. These qualities might have heritable components. So it might be these heritable components that are the common cause behind the breakup of marriages and the lack of success of the resulting children.
Divorce is very hard on children, but living in a household filled with rage and violence is far worse. It is never a favor to children to stay in a really bad marriage.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisRe: "Divorce affects most children in the short run, but research suggests that kids recover rapidly after the initial blow. In a 2002 study psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington of the University of Virginia and her then graduate student Anne Mitchell Elmore found that many children experience short-term negative effects from divorce, especially anxiety, anger, shock and disbelief. These reactions typically diminish or disappear by the end of the second year. Only a minority of kids suffer longer."
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThat has not been my limited, non-professional experience. For example, a 30-year-old woman traumatized by her parents' divorce, a 102-year-old woman still in trauma over the separation of her parents when she was 12 and numerous young people of my personal acquaintance. It's obviously a comforting report for those who wish to engage in divorce. If a married couple promise, "...until death do us part..." what "vow" is exchanged by those who remarry after divorce?
Divorce rates seem to be declining, but I wonder if that's because more people are living together rather than getting married. I suspect data from any study would depend on when the parents got divorced. Growing up in the 50's, a divorce probably would have been far more traumatic to a child than in the 80's, when more of their peers were experiencing the same thing. Social values and mores need to be considered.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThere are so many variables.
This does not talk about money. Once a house is split the costs go up substantially because now two households have to function on the same amount of money. I am sorry, but if you have children and you divorce you have failed as a parent. Also, it is not like we need the people.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisDivorce is better for the children than them living with disgruntled fighting parents or with absolutely unhappy couple . Children will do far better if they live with a partially happy parent than with fully unhappy couple .Children need calm and stable home , in fact, with or without any parent also. Children who were brought up by single mothers or lovingly and caringly by grand parents have done pretty well in life . Some of them have become even presidents of America or headed Nations and done exemplarily well too. So long as strife is avoided in the environments of children , they will grow well . Children , on act don't care about who their parents are , if left on their own . They seek safety and shelter primarily and, if a good education can be given to them ,nothing like it .keep children moderately disciplined , inculcate a sense of social responsibility , give them opportunities to develop their limbs and intellect , don't abuse them , give them love and care ( that's what makes children happy to be with society and give them self- confidence and self- esteem . Give them chancebto grow to their potential and that's all that's needed . Read the 1923 published poem " Children " by the Lebanese poet Khalil Gibran, who lived in Boston ,( USA) .link :
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thishttp://www.poemhunter.com/poem/children-chapter-iv/
Looking at my parents, I am beyond relieved that my parents divorced when I was four: I can't imagine growing up in a household filled with bitterness, recrimination, and outright hate! My brother, four years older than I am, has had a series of relationships and cheated in most of them, and has been married and divorced; I've been happily married for 15 years. This may be because he had the example of my parents as what a relationship was for that extra few years, or it may be his personality (quite different than mine) that drives him, I don't know; but I DO know I'm glad my parents divorced!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisBizarrely, the British Columbian government has decided that couples living together for two years are now married, whether they declared it themselves or not. It will be interesting to see what happens to marriage/divorce statistics over the next decade, if anything.
Every day in America three women are killed by the men they love and some of them have children and many ask, why didn't she leave him?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThough thus far we haven't seen any numbers about how many children were killed by the fathers/husbands who were determined to keep the family together or kill them and himself.
So before we start dishing up the issues about the detrimental effects of divorce maybe we should think about how many lives may be saved for the brave who chose to live life in peace and in an environment where physical violence isn't a issue.
It's easy to be brave from a distance and so distant some have opinions about issues to which they focus on the so-called broader scale, but not the one that really matters. Life matters and no one should have to live where violence is an issue let alone become part of statistics that have overlooked domestic violence in the process.
Yet in the wake of divorce and two-parent separate households, it's true, life is challenging and children do suffer to some degree and more-so when they lose the other side of their extended families they once had as grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins no longer play a role in their lives; thus it's love by decree and absence of it when decree no longer dictates they must love.
Overall, it's a complex issue but without support of friends, family and community the cycle of violence will continue leaving more than a broken marriage in it's wake.
Two Disney factory movies that touch the subject: "Bambi"-Separation anxiety, and: "The parent trap", this last featuring Hayley Mills.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisMost problems of raising kids, and everyone getting along, would be greatly reduced if one-to-one hetero marriages were'nt the only approved option. Considering the variety of personalities we recognise today, can we expect most people to fit well into one mold? My ideal would be a minimum of seven adults, including both genders, in a family, enough that one leaving or joining wouldn't overly disrupt the rest. An odd number makes it less likely that some will choose the more conventional couples mode.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAwesome comment. I totally agree with you.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this