Jealousy can be devastating to a relationship—and it is well known that the genders experience the green-eyed monster in different ways. Men are more likely to be jealous of sexual peccadilloes and women of emotional infidelity, according to past research. The oft-quoted evolutionary explanation is that men care more about sex because an unfaithful partner could mean raising someone else’s kids, whereas women are protective of emotional attachments because the biggest danger for them is being left alone with the burden of single parenthood. But a new study from Pennsylvania State University suggests it may be time to rethink why the genders respond differently to each indiscretion.
In a study of more than 400 people, clinical psychologists Kenneth Levy and Kristen Kelly found that individual personality differences—which stem from a person’s childhood experiences—explain the genders’ jealousy patterns. The pair asked subjects what would be more upsetting: their partner having sex with someone else or forming a strong emotional bond with another person. Both men and women with a kind of insecure attachment called dismissing—typical of people who had inconsistent or insensitive parents and learned to shun intimacy and become “hyperindependent”—were the most likely to report being jealous of sexual infidelity. More men than women have a dismissing attachment style. The reason for this gender difference is unclear but may relate, in part, to cultural notions of what constitutes “manly” behavior. Levy says this understanding of personality formation, known as the attachment model, seems to explain both the average differences between men and women in what makes them most jealous, as well as the previously unexplained fact that a subset of individuals better fits the jealousy profile of the opposite sex.
This article was originally published with the title Men Value Sex, Women Value Love?.
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12 Comments
Add CommentGreen-eyed or one-eyed monster?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisOh, sorry - I thought this was the "Cosmopolitan" site...
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisto candide. science is science and encompasses all things of life. Maybe you should stick to cosmopolitan.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisscience is science and is found everywhere. maybe you should stick to cosmopolitan.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisMy experiences with jealousy involved projection. My ex was insanely jealous and always worried sick I would have an affair. I told her her fears were baseless as I would not cheat. I couldn't understand it, until she had an affair, and then I realized she was projecting on to me her nature. She thought I would do what she would do given the opportunity.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI'm not sure how this fits into the authors theories.
"Temptation lives by intent, not opportunity." - AU
things were different before the AIDS epidemic.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisfor a while there things were almost perfect.
Meh. Yet again politics trumps reason at SciAm.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this"More men than women have a dismissing at�tachment style. The reason for this gender difference is unclear but may relate, in part, to cultural notions of what constitutes manly behavior. "
Or it could be innate. No evidence against that is provided, but doesn't it feel great to bash evolutionary psychology anyway?
You should see how a the average Joe's innate jealousy boils over when he sees another guy going with a more financially successful woman. He simply loses his reasoning.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisInstead of rehashing the same old "this sex behaves this way because..." study, why don't these clever researchers do a study on why cheating is ok to some and not to others.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI would dare say that there about equal numbers of people of both sexes that seem to think it is ok to cheat. Maybe because it is proven to be normal based on some study. There are others that don't think it is ok whatever the "reason".
From my perspective both sex are capable of cheating. For example, an insane jelous spouse is trying to demostrate there emotional feelings through their action. Remember the old saying look at the action of individual rather than speech.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisHowever, I do agree with poster above that research should do focus on what makes individual cheat in the first place ?
Ben
This certainly makes since to me because from i have a dismissing attachment to my parents, they are extremely inconsistent and insensitive and ive seen that since a young age. I would be more jealous of a spouse or significant other having sex with someone rather than having a strong bond with some one. Guess that has to do with my upbringing.huh?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI agree with the poster, eventhough we can't make it a general rule, when someone is afraid of being cheated, it can surely be a projection. But, it also happens that a persona could experience celotypic behaviors toward his or her partner because the partner is a cheater.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI think the comments are more interesting than the article. And, I also agree with the posts of abyssalmystery and benworld about focusing more on "Cheating". If some people believe it's normal. I liked the question benworld pointed out, "what makes individual cheat in the first place ?"
And these would also be of interest for me:
Both sexes cheat in the same quantities? Or men cheat more than woman? Woman more than men? What about homosexual couples? Is there any culture with more cheating people? What motivates a person to cheat? What is cheating after all? Are differents types of cheating?