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As a psychologist, I have always found the concept of speed dating fascinating. During a series of mini dates, each spanning no more than a couple of minutes, participants in a speed-dating event evaluate a succession of eligible singles. They make split-second decisions on matters of the heart, creating a pool of information on one of the more ineffable yet vital questions of our time—how we select our mates.
The concept of rapid-fire dating has gained tremendous popularity, spreading to cities all over the world. One speed-dating company in New York City, for example, holds a gathering almost every day. Last year online coupon company Groupon hosted the world’s largest speed-dating event, with 414 attendees crammed into a restaurant in Chicago. Start-up companies now meet with investors, pregnant couples interact with doulas, and homeless dogs court potential owners, all using the speed-dating format.
Some years ago I caved to my curiosity and tried it out myself. As it turns out, I like to talk—a lot. When the little buzzer went off after three minutes, I often found myself still trying to explain to my bedazzled dating partner why my last name has four syllables (it is Dutch). As you might imagine, I did not find the love of my life.
I made some beginner’s mistakes; however, I am not alone in having struggled with speed dating. Even if meet-and-greet matching events might seem like the most efficient way to comb through many options at once, a wealth of data reveals that the context in which we make a choice weighs heavily on the outcome. Speed-dating events can promote a particular decision-making style that might not always work in our favor. Yet we need not be passive victims of our circumstances. Knowing how your environment influences your mind-set, a quality known as ecological rationality, can help you make the choices that are best for you.
Decisions, Decisions
Traditional dating can seem haphazard, contingent on seemingly minor details such as whether you signed up for the right yoga class or patronized the same bar as your future love interest. Online dating, too, has its drawbacks, requiring hours to sift through profiles and craft careful introductory e-mails before arranging to meet in person. Speed dating, by comparison, offers the opportunity to chat up many eligible singles in rapid succession.
In a typical speed-dating event, participants pair off at individual tables and chairs for a few minutes of conversation. When the buzzer sounds, half of the singles move to another chair and a different partner, in a kind of round robin. After the event is over, the daters submit to the event’s organizers the names of the individuals they would like to see again. It sounds simple, but each variable in the design of the event can affect the daters’ outcomes.
In spite of maxims about so many fish in the sea, for example, recent research tells us that the heart prefers a smaller pond. In a study in 2011 in the journal Biology Letters, University of Edinburgh psychologist Alison P. Lenton and University of Essex economist Marco Francesconi analyzed more than 3,700 dating decisions across 84 speed-dating events. The authors found that when the available prospects varied more in attributes such as age, height, occupation and educational background, people made fewer dating proposals. This effect was particularly strong when individuals were faced with a large number of partners. Additionally, in speed-dating events where the characteristics of the daters varied much more, most participants did not follow up with any of their matches.
Results observed in the world of online dating support this finding. A study in 2008 by Lenton and Barbara Fasolo of the London School of Economics and Political Science indicates that participants often misjudge how the number of options available to them will affect their feelings. Participants presented with a broad array of potential partners more closely aligned with their anticipated ideal did not experience greater emotional satisfaction than when presented with fewer options.
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8 Comments
Add CommentThe third word of the article explains the writer's problem. Any/everyone else's?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThe barest inkling that you can develop LOVE in 180 seconds is beyond absurd.
[but you sure can get funding for a whole new set of idiotic questions]
It appears to be a scam on the women. Since men are perfectly ok with other less permanent outcomes, it is a great deal for them all they have to do is be interesting enough in 180 seconds and boom, he has at a minimum a short time of fun and who knows what else. The women on the other hand are probably really looking for more because so few men out there are actually useful, especially if a woman wants a male that thinks beyond his beer guzzling in a sports bar cro-magnon nature.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisNow finding a partner online has promise, not as a dating scene but finding someone because it opens up a much larger pool of potential mates and you can spend months vetting and asking questions before meeting. Choosing between online sites and speed dating, I think the months of vetting wins out.
As someone who went through this process several years ago, I can tell you that it's not about "love" at first sight; it's about meeting someone who you might be able to love in the future. Speed dating, like online matchmaking, eliminates one of the biggest problems in finding an available prospect. Both have advantages and disadvantages. Speed dating allows you to meet in-person, but severely limits the contact. Online dating services allow more advance communication, but the first face-to-face meeting is always a bit of a surprise. Unlike meeting in a bar or at work, speed dating and online services both require a positive response from each participant before things can move forward. It's a bit benefit; you're never faced with that awkward "You're just not my type" conversation. (In the end, I met someone online. We were married last April.)
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI see a few people touch on it now and again, including in the article.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisSpeed dating, internet dating, normal dating, all of that is pretty irrelevant.
This here paragraph is all you need. People are unsure of what type of person, hair, eyes, mood, career they are after in a partner so NEED to spend time talking to as many people as they can to identify what it is that they want. Once a person has identified this (or these things), it is really EASY for them to go through with a quick chat and identifying people of further interest.
Im not sure if speed dating helps people acquire this emotional knowledge, im going to go out on a limb and say 50/50.
Speed dating is great for Phase 2, you know what youre after, you just need to go through everyone in your area to find the closest equitable match.
Job done.
If you really want to help people you NEED to make a phase 1 dating opportunity, perhaps 10 minutes where people can really spend the time thinking, asking, delving, into psychies and philosophies of different types of people. These mental maps then set the ground work for Phase 2.
As a P.S if you will. Phase one for joe average can take 1-2 years and 300-500 different people involved.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisFrom experience, all the Mr. Wonder-fulls I thought would work, failed in the long stretch. Almost 20 years with Mr. Opposite, yep I'm happy. Goes to show, what you think you want, may not be.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisBob Hope said in a quote, "I have been married 34 years, and I have considered murder many times, but divorce never.
I think he's got it right.
The average person doesn't need more that a few dates.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisSelf-aware types are always too selfish.
as per my experience speed dating in some of the way is better. if you are getting your true love in very short time period then all goes correct... read this blog to find true love... http://bit.ly/OcYKkv
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