All parents struggle to find the right balance between encouragement and discipline when it comes to raising their kids. This past winter Yale University law professor Amy Chua drew roars of protest when she asserted in her book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, that successful parenting entails controlling most aspects of a child’s life, from prohibiting playdates and sleepovers to screaming at children for getting grades lower than an A. What does research say about this style of child-rearing?

“There’s no evidence that intrusiveness is appropriate in any culture we’ve been to before, including China,” says psychologist Brian K. Barber of the University of Tennessee Knoxville. To learn more about how psychological control might vary across the world, Barber and his colleagues interviewed 120 adolescents from five different cultures, including Costa Rica, Thailand and South Africa, and then surveyed another 2,100. Their findings, which they recently submitted to the Journal of Adolescence, suggest that some of the behavior described in Chua’s book, such as insulting kids (she once called her daughter “garbage”), invalidating their feelings and violating their privacy, correlated with children’s depression and antisocial behavior, a finding that matches past research.

Barber distinguishes “authoritarian” households—those that are overly coercive—from “authoritative” households, where strictness is accompanied by warmth and encouragement of self-direction. In a prior study of more than 20,000 U.S. high schoolers, Laurence Steinberg of Temple University and his colleagues found that children raised in authoritative households were typically psychologically healthy, whereas those raised in authoritarian ones had elevated anxiety and depression. Notably kids from both households got comparably good grades, suggesting tiger mothering isn’t necessary for excellence after all.

This article was originally published with the title Tame Your Inner Tiger.

6 Comments

1. 1. neurolite 01:37 PM 4/15/11

   Amy Chua's book was not all serious, it was meant as a commentary on the Chinese way of raising children, written with wit and irony. She is in no WAY asserting that what she writes is how you should raise a child, and if you'd ever heard her speak you would know that.

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2. 2. okwhen 04:59 AM 4/17/11

   I have never read Amy Chua book however, the author Charles Q. Choi as with the majority of children behaviorist conclusion omits the cause and effects of puberty on children. Only on rare occasion have I read how this event effects children behavior and how to cope with it. This silent biological event that occurs to the majority of children go hidden. Puberty and sex education share the same mystical aurora as the stars. These two taboos only receive an occasional voice when someone dares to suggest teaching these topics in the school system. We all know that is a dead end street. Children remain entirely in the dark during the biological changes and in many cases ostracize by there parents. How many countless of times have we heard, you have become entirely our of control and confrontational. They blame their behavior on the children and not the cause. Even worst, the children carry the entire blame without even knowing why. Two of the most absolutes in human development and even today in the 21st century, these topics are off limits. That is to anyone other than the parents, the same ones that have no intentions in discussing this with their children.

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3. 3. chafelis11 08:42 PM 4/21/11

   I haven't read Chua's book, but I have a slight impression according to the comments posted about it. In fact, these comments were not so informative about Chua's ideas regarding the raising of children but they definitely revealed an interesting slant on the commentors' ideas about raising children. It was disturbing to me that both commentors seem to have the idea that they "need" to control their children; and especially during puberty. I found that always being honest, and open, with my sons since birth - always answering their questions, giving them the information about which they inquired, and with answers that were age appropriate, helped them develop a trust in me; and no sort of discipline was necessary. I explained to them the truth about the natural consequences of their actions; society's (people's) innate punishments and they (maybe amazingly) got it. I seriously believe that giving children the truth about what is going on with them, and their bodies, and especially how all of these changes. could affect their ideas and decisions, should be a natural, important, part of parenting. And, their trust in you, the ability for them to know they can speak honestly with you is one of the keys - I think the most important one - to raising healthy, stable, secure and happy sons and daughters.

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4. 4. okwhen in reply to chafelis11 09:20 PM 4/21/11

   I have no earthly idea how you derived at “they "need" to control their children especially during puberty” after reading my comment. Either your reading skills or comprehension are lacking. After rereading my first comment you will notice I only highlighted how puberty remains a hidden secret no one talks about. Writing with a preconceived assumption rather than understanding the data only results in disaster. I say preconceived assumption only because the first post contained nothing in the way of controlling children either.

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5. 5. Abhijith Asok 09:37 AM 4/26/11

   Well,I am still a student,so I am talking from a child's point of view.I found the points in the article highly similar to my life.Quoting the word from the article,my household was kind of what you would call "authoritarian".My parents used to travel to both the extremes.If it is love,they would go to the limit;if it is anger,there too,they would never fail to reach the climax.I would say both approaches had a negative impact on me.
   
   Because they love me so much when they do,I am still under the impression that I owe them something back for that.And I still feel,they loved me so much,as they expected something from me back,especially my mom.Her status among my classmates' mothers was very important to her,and if by chance,my grades went low due to some reason,I would think twice before entering my home that day,because that day would be filled with stuff highly unexplainable.Comparison was another big problem.Just after she asks my marks,she asks my friend's marks,then the topper's marks,and if mine is lower than them,she starts on how useless I am,how I should even try to learn by looking at them and all.She never trusted me too.She trusted my friends more than me.There has been an instance when she literally enjoyed killing me for three hours for something which I did not do,just beacuse one of my classmates told her I abused my teacher.I was on my knees telling her I was innocent,and she finally believed when one of my friends phoned and said there was nothing going on.
   Never got any recognition for me as a personality.Always felt like a slave or a robot obeying the master.
   
   There are lot of instances like this,but this is not the right place for all of them.I did not use this as a place to open myself up,but if there are parents out there reading this,who feel they should have a control over their children,please keep this post in mind.This is an honest rendering of a person who has actually went through all this and much more.Maintain a certain degree of control over children,but please do take care it does not go wrong.I am still under constant stress and pressure when it comes to handling any situation,and I dont want anymore people in the same situation...

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6. 6. ZoePittaki 06:13 PM 4/30/11

   One could find many references on how parents should raise their children. I always thought something was missing from such references, at least out of those I had come across. This was up until I read the chapter “The Internal Biological Progression of the Child and the Retrogression of the Parents”, from the book “The Next Step of Creation – The Revelation” of the writer and gnoseologist Ioannis G. Tsatsaris. And, because, as Plato said, we should not be vague when we refer to children’s upbringing (Laws, 643D), I cite hereupon a very interesting excerpt from this chapter, which is actually relevant to the discussion developed here:
   “(…) The parents will certainly have to commune with the child during these metabolic states, expressing themselves as little children, later on becoming a little older than they, and at other times becoming mature so that they are able to guide this newly – constituted element, which is called a child, through this unknown world in which his course dictated that he present himself, activating functional tasks as an individual obligation.”
   (Ioannis G.Tsatsaris, “The Next Step of Creation-The Revelation”, Vantage Press-New York, 2007, p.144)
   
   Zoe Pittaki, Economist / Athens
   

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