Lisa, an elementary school teacher from Ambler, Pa., came home from work one day and said to her husband, “Honey, guess what? I landed that summer teaching position I wanted!” “Wow, congratulations!” he replied. “I know how hard you worked to get that job. I am so happy for you! You must be really excited.” The way Lisa’s husband reacted to her good news was also good news for their marriage, which, 15 years later, is still going strong; such positive responses turn out to be vital to the longevity of a relationship.

Numerous studies show that intimate relationships, such as marriages, are the single most important source of life satisfaction. Although most couples enter these relationships with the best of intentions, many break up or stay together but languish [see “How Science Can Help You Fall in Love,” by Robert Epstein]. Yet some do stay happily married and thrive. What is their secret?

This article was originally published with the title The Happy Couple.

11 Comments

1. 1. sciencegeek0 02:09 PM 12/25/09

   EXCELLENT!! Lots of great research! I will show this to all of my friends! Thanks!!!!!!!!

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2. 2. Bev 05:35 PM 12/27/09

   sigh! It takes two...

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3. 3. marsen3157 06:06 AM 1/13/10

   It's high time that research on relationship longevity begins focusing on strengthening the positives as opposed to trying to fix the negatives. Suzann Pileggi's article on "The Happy Couple" is very well researched and well-written and should be prescribed as daily reading for all couples intent on building a strong and satisfying relationship.

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4. 4. LJAlloro 02:47 PM 1/14/10

   This is amazingly wonderful - and very timely as I consider my own relationship. Thanks, Suzann! You present this very clearly, creatively, and accurately!
   
   Louis

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5. 5. spolly 08:32 PM 1/14/10

   It is rare that an article is so well written that it can appeal both to those new to Positive Psychology and those who know the research well. Presenting cutting edge research, Suzann tells us how to capitalize on the good events in our lives and how we can cultivate the passion in our relationships. I've already passed it on to a diverse range of friends and colleagues. Thank you!

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6. 6. wholeness 10:19 AM 1/15/10

   I really enjoyed this article! Not only does it have great practical tips for improving relationships, but als I felt JOY, GRATITUDE, and INSPIRATION when I read it...thank you!!! How about more like this one?!?

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7. 7. amitioren 08:07 AM 2/3/10

   Well written, informative article. As a clinical psychologist it is a pleasure to read about cutting edge research that I can easily apply to my work and my personal life.
   My patients will thank you!
   
   Amit G. Oren, PH.D
   
   

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8. 8. judykrings 06:31 PM 2/4/10

   Bring on Dr. Barbara Fredrickson's "Broaden and Build" concept of positivity. As part of a couple, we each have the joy and responsibility to power-up positivity and nix-negativity.
   Open your heart and your mind and focus on the good. Swear to share and always care!

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9. 9. timbo555 05:49 PM 10/30/11

   To Quote Ogden Nash:
   
   To keep your marriage brimming,
   with love in the loving cup,
   Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
   And whenever you're right, shut up....

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10. 10. OfTheSilentGeneration 04:55 PM 11/2/11

    Thanks for an excellent article followed by pertinent comments. My wife and I have been married 60 years and we agree with all that's been said - especially Ogden Nash - but would add that daily touches of humor along the way help make life more fun and keep it interesting.

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11. 11. W. Ying 10:25 PM 10/27/12

    "a. Husband
    The husband half is biologically assigned in charge of food-seeking, habitat constructing, defending, donating all kinds of co-body-safety messages ceaselessly to his wife (kissing, embracing, and so on) .
    His ability and smartness come mainly from the ceaseless intimate encouragement of the other half of the marriage ---- the wife.
    b. Wife
    The wife is biologically assigned in charge of the child bearing, child bring up, house hold, and etc.
    She transfers all the physical substantial materials from her own body into the baby’s. Also, she exhausts all her spiritual energy to bring up the baby or child ---- the DNA-carrier of both the husband and wife.
    That is where her mother-greatness and beauty come from.
    Her beauty and virtue are support-enhanced by the ceaseless intimate co-body message from the other half of the marriage ---- the husband.
    This is the right way that the husband and wife of a marriage work; and the right way that happy life of the couple comes from.
    Then, there will be no issue of gender equality at all.
    "

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