This last result has important implications for how we think about dependence in relationships, according to Fitzsimons and Finkel. We tend to think of dependence in terms of intimate and sexual needs, but these findings suggest that dependence might also arise from a partner’s unique ability to assist with life’s goals. Indeed, long-term partners may develop a shared self-regulatory system, relying on one another for support with mustering the discipline needed to face life’s challenges. In the short term, relying on a partner for help with self-control in one arena means we could be undermining our commitment to that specific aim. But Fitzsimons and Finkel suggest there could a surprising trade-off: because we are investing more in our relationships, we might well end up possessing more discipline for a couple’s shared goals. In the end, the partnership benefits.

This article was originally published with the title The Partner Paradox.

3 Comments

1. 1. OBagle 07:10 PM 8/22/11

   Duke and Northwestern are two of the finest educational institutions in the world. It really is a shame that in these economic times, they have stooped to this level of pseudo-science. Every elementary school kid knows that their siblings run upstairs to hide in the closet or under the bed when it comes time to wash the dishes or take out the garbage. Any woman can tell you that men don't do housework, and any man can tell you that women can't change the batteries on a remote control.
   
   Mutual dependency is not a bad thing, nor is self-reliance. Motivation depends on whether you are roommates with some angelic thing like Jessica Alba, whom you never get tired of waking up next to, or with your current partner (fill in name here), who only provides fuel for your violent fantasies. Anyway, the point is, get some real jobs, and stop wasting taxpayer money on kindergarten garbage.

   Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this

2. 2. TTLG 08:21 PM 8/22/11

   This is consistent with a study I read many years ago which showed that when people engaged in a tug-of-war contest, they put much more effort in when they were doing it just by themselves rather than as part of a group. In that case the experimenters guessed that the same effect would hold true in performing mental tasks alone versus as part of a group, but this is the first time I have seen it actually demonstrated in any way. Nicely done.

   Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this

3. 3. bucketofsquid in reply to OBagle 10:06 AM 8/26/11

   You live in a very dark and unpleasant world.

   Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this