Amazon.com lists an astounding number of dieting books—more than 16,000. But parenting guides far exceed that number: there are some 40,000 of them, including books such as Jane Rankin’s Parenting Experts, that do nothing but evaluate the often conflicting advice the experts offer. People, it seems, are even more nervous about their parenting than they are about their waistlines.

Why is there such chaos and doubt when it comes to parenting? Why, in fact, do most parents continue to parent pretty much the way their own parents did—or, if they disliked the way they were raised, the exact opposite way? Shouldn’t we all just find out what the studies say and parent accordingly?

This article was originally published with the title What Makes a Good Parent?.

5 Comments

1. 1. Cleo Katsivela 11:30 AM 11/5/10

   So many books on parenting, but so many children out there on either drugs or with psychological problems.!. It seems as if we are missing something really important in child upbringing. For me this missing point is found in the unprecedented and revealing analysis of the stages of development of children and the role of parents as explained in the books of the author - gnosiologist, Mr. Ioannis Tsatsaris, a small excerpt of which I quote here:
   
   “When the parent … reaches a point where his child needs a relationship where they communicate directly that is social, life-sharing, and participates in the “topsy-turvy” system formed in his organism, although the parent himself has experienced those stages, he fails to look back to his own past and remind himself of it in order to understand the present being experienced by the child. For he never uses his memory to understand the difficulties faced by an organism to form a framework of rectitude and stability and not be influenced by the multiform illusory states, but become instead an observer of events in order to make choices which will benefit his evolutionary course”
   “For this reason, in my opinion, you should consider the following: before you became parents you had individual expectations as to what made up the happy moments of your life, and you pursued these. When, however, you arrived at the time when you would become creators of life yourselves, that is, parents, and this would present you in your course and in your social community, you became committed to a great obligation, which is called a “rule of functioning”: to serve your decisions. On the basis of this obligation and the rule of functioning, a significant measure is forfeited of your right of individual “enjoyment”, as it is called, and you are recruited to serve the urgent difficult years of your child and not to satisfy the determinations of your sensory organs, imposed by the “offer” of tradition. Otherwise, you will be out of step with the Law of Evolution concerning the fulfillment of your mission”
   (Ioannis Tsatsaris, “The Next Step of Creation, The Revelation”, Vantage Press, NY, p. 145 and 140)
   
   Cleo Katsivela, Civil Law Notary, LLM, Athens Greece
   
   
   
   
   

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2. 2. SciMinded 10:51 AM 11/30/10

   Its a relief to see that parents relationship and stress management are big factors in quality parenting. One of the best ways to help with interpersonal dynamics in the family, reduce conflict and stress is through mindfulness practices- I'd recommend checking out Jon Kabat Zinn's Everyday Blessings about mindful parenting, or psychologist Christopher Willard's "Child's Mind" about meditation and mindfulness in the family, or Susan Greenland's "The Mindful Child."

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3. 3. feegle 08:23 AM 12/1/10

   The November issue doesn't get to Albany in Western Australia until January...I look forward to commenting then.

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4. 4. geraldguild.com 04:24 PM 12/2/10

   I do not find these results surprising, Epstein suggests that they are because if you look closely at the list you'll see that the vast majority of the skills are parental personality and/or life skill issues. As this study suggests, a child's well-being, it seems, is most closely associated with how a parent treats oneself (e.g., manages stress and maintains a healthy diet and exercise regimen), how one gets along with the co-parent (e.g., maintains and models important healthy relationships), as well as the efficacy of one's life skills (e.g., sustains income and plans for the future), and how deeply one values education.
   
   These "skills" constitute a full 50% of the list and when weighted, based on the degree of association, likely account for a huge and disproportionate amount of the influence on child happiness, health, and adaptive functioning outcomes. And several of the other "skills" (e.g., affection, respect for the dignity of children, degree of parental control imposed, and even level of spirituality) really are behaviors that are known to vary associated with one other crucial yet unmeasured variable.
   
   You see, the presumption here is that children are brought into the world as malleable blank slates that we can mold through the type of parenting we employ. The reality is that parents who employ these skills likely do so as a function of their intelligence and personality, which are heavily influenced by their genes. The truth of the matter is likely that children whose parents care for themselves, have good social skills, and plan for the future will have happier, healthier, and wiser children, but not because of the parenting skills employed during their upbringing, but because of their shared genes. Epstein did not control for the effect of shared genes in this study. The current research from behavioral genetics suggests the home environment as it is influenced by parents accounts for 0 to 10% of the variance in the wellness outcomes of children! Heredity accounts for about 50% and the child's peer group accounts for the remainder (40-50%)

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5. 5. leuken 02:29 PM 12/9/10

   Question: Why would anyone pay $6 to read this article!?

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