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In Brief
- In the U.S., police officers detained about 78,000 people in 2007 for prostitution-related crimes, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Only about 10 percent of these arrests are of the sex patrons, who almost exclusively are men.
- A considerable proportion of men worldwide buy sex from female prostitutes, with most estimates of lifetime prevalence ranging from 7 to 39 percent, depending on the country and study. Many experts argue that it is a male appetite—and not the choices of prostitutes—that fundamentally drives the sex trade.
- Men’s motives for buying sex are hotly contested among researchers. Some believe the practice serves as a salve for common psychological afflictions, such as an unfulfilled craving for sex or romance. Others, meanwhile, paint a dimmer portrait of johns, believing they are driven by chauvinistic motives, such as a desire to dominate and control women.
Arthur is an alleged john, a man who patronizes prostitutes. After his arrest on September 5, 2008, a photograph of this 41-year-old appeared on the Web site of the Chicago Police Department. Arthur (not his real name) was far from the only person so branded on this Internet portal. Samuel, 59, and José, 34, (whose names were also changed to protect their privacy) were on this online pillory for a month after their September 5 arrests.
The apprehensions of Arthur, Samuel, José and many others represent the huge demand among males for prostitutes. In the U.S., police officers detained about 78,000 people in 2007 for prostitution-related crimes, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Experts believe that about 10 percent of these arrests are of the sex patrons, almost all of whom are men.
This article was originally published with the title Why Do Men Buy Sex?.
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97 Comments
Add Comment"a man can usually get sex for free in the context of an ordinary intimate relationship"
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisBig assumption there. There are a million reasons men pay for sex outright. Here are a few:
1. Whether I buy a girl dinner and a pair of shoes and listen to hours of mind-numbing gossip and self-centered beautification concepts, or just hand her the money, I'm still paying for sex, every time. There is no "free" sex, unless you're talking about swingers clubs. Men pay for sex because women expect something in return for it. We're used to it.
2. Some don't have the time or the patience for long, drawn-out relationships, some are just really bad at maintaining them, and many aren't lucky enough to get them in the first place. Some would rather have a really nice three hour relationship than a three month miserable one.
3. In our species as well as most others, females have the job of evaluating and selecting males. The unchosen don't just disappear, they have needs as well. The desire for companionship and affection can be overcome in time, the desire for coitus is stronger.
4. Married men often tire of the sex the same way with the same partner, year after year, and instead of disrupt the family, they'll discreetly go outside it for what's lacking.
5. Sexual appeal is largely visual for men. Do not underestimate that. For most men, paying is the only way they'll ever see a really spectacular nude body. Hence the success of strip clubs (touching is not allowed, for you who don't know).
6. When the girl you loved did not love you back, and you're left with an broken heart full of unrequited dreams, you might find a girl who looks like your lost love, for some sense of closure. It's not the same, but it's closer than your imagination.
7. As men get older, they want less drama. They'd rather wrap up fulfillment of their needs in a clean, straightforward transaction and get back to their lives.
8. Where girls are often attracted to older men (for the usual reasons), as men get older, the girls most men are attracted to stay about 16-25 (likely for deeply engrained notions of fertility, etc...). At some point, the only way a man is going to see that again is if he opens his wallet.
9. Some men just don't like women. Be it too many bad experiences, or the societal role most women accept, or they just don't trust that which is not like themselves. But the need to have sex remains, and they seek to have it fulfilled with as little interaction as possible.
I have never paid a professional for sex, but I can see why some do.
It's pretty obvious that the question should have been "why do some societies think that paying for sex is wrong?". I can't help but notice the quaint use of the language in which sexual activity is called "sleeping", as in; "majority of men admit having slept with a prostitute". It's laughable it's so victorian, but it does speak volumes as to why it's a problem at all; our inability to think beyond the judeo-christian morality that's been foisted upon us. Instead I would suggest that anyone really interested begin by taking an objective look at our fellow vertebrates, mammals in particular and especially our more closely related primate cousins.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisIt's pretty obvious that the question should have been "why do some societies think that paying for sex is wrong?". I can't help but notice the quaint use of the language in which sexual activity is called "sleeping", as in; "majority of men admit having slept with a prostitute". It's laughable it's so victorian, but it does speak volumes as to why it's a problem at all; our inability to think beyond the judeo-christian morality that's been foisted upon us. Instead I would suggest that anyone really interested begin by taking an objective look at our fellow vertebrates, mammals in particular and especially our more closely related primate cousins.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisJesus! I'm astounded by the dense pedantry by psychologists scrambling for grant money and posturing for attention. Instead of 3 pages worth of Freudian psycho-babble, the author could learn a thing or two about Occam's Razor and have simply written:
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisVariety; No hassles.
But I guess that sort of obviousness doesn't earn you future jobs that pay by the word. :)
A guy friend of mine once told me about his first sexual encounter, which was with a prostitute. He had tried dating, without success. He said, "I decided that if no nice girl was interested in me, then I would just go pay someone." I inferred, from the details that he told me, that he had wanted both the experience of sex, and the feeling of acceptance and intimacy. The encounter satisfied the former, but not the latter. Eventually, he did meet and marry a spectacularly beautiful girl.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI recall reading an Ann Landers column where a fellow arranged for a handicapped friend, who lived with his parents, to have a date with an escort. The date went well, but the handicapped man's parents found out about it and were very angry. Ann Landers said it was unfair to expect that a handicapped man wouldn't have the same sexual desires that able men have.
I have heard of elderly married women being troubled by recurring bladder infections due to husbands who take viagra. Wouldn't it be more considerate of those old farts to get their jollies from professionals instead?
How is it even on SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN people still confuse anecdotal stories or their own "ideas" with scientific evidence. Also using Victorian values in language to describe and discuss prostitution is just as absurd.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisNotably absent from this thread is any consideration of how prostitution harms women psychologically and physically: constant fear, financial instability, the physical and emotional abuse from johns and pimps, and quite often the social standing of despised outcast. Instead, it's a conversation about men (boys?) and their needs--shocking! I expected at least a little bit of pretending-to-care before the rationalizing started.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisHey 'hotblack': if you were really seeking a peer in a relationship, you wouldn't spend money on someone you don't like, but expect to fuck you anyway. What, no one will pay her own way to hang out with you? You admit to tuning your dates out and expecting sex in exchange for the price of an entree. You must be quite a catch! Men are AWESOME.
"Notably absent from this thread is any consideration of how prostitution harms women psychologically and physically: constant fear, financial instability, the physical and emotional abuse from johns and pimps, and quite often the social standing of despised outcast. "
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWhat, like how the rest of humanity lives?
Like I said sweetteeth, I've never paid a pro, but I can definitely understand why most guys I've known well enough to talk loosely about it do. Nice job, trying to make it about me though. If you must know, I have had my share of luck with dating and sex, positive and negative. Some relationships I look back on and realize, I could have just cut 6 months of grief out and left it a one night stand, since they were in it for the same base reasons men are pinned with, and saved myself a bunch of time and effort. But, seeing no logical purpose to breed for reproduction, the courting rituals and mating behavior of humans has become something akin to watching the monkeys at the zoo. Somewhat laughable, and in light of how civilized everyone likes to think they are, a fiar bit pathetic.
It is the oldest profession. In many countries - Japan being a good example - women become prostitutes for their own interests: it can be a well-paying job there. The Buddhist view is that humans are animals and have animal desires. For men that includes spreading genetic information at low cost. It is different for women. There is little cognitive dissonance in such a culture (ie shame for desiring more than one woman). Monogamous religions are adaptive in their own way - besides the psychology of trust, STIs may be kept to a minimum.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWhere does all this Freudian language come from? Necrophilia? They need to be examined. Women may have an innate tendency to care. Fine. Biologically intuitive. But why are men pathologized for having a visceral drive? The tactile and visual element of feminine beauty may preoccupy some men and only requires a small investment. Conversely, dreams of a fairy-tale wedding - showcasing large investment - may preoccupy some women. These conflicting interests ensure we are biologically fit. From that starting point, we should examine harm, psychological and otherwise.
Some fair points. I've certainly seen some nightclubs that are akin to Wild Kingdom episodes.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI agree that saying men can easily get sex for free is a huge assumption. In today's dating culture it is very difficult for many men to find suitable women. I have a hard time even getting a date and I am employed, good-looking and athletic. The problem isn't men -- it's women. They often don't make themselves clear to men and just frustrate the Hell out of them. I've gone out with beautiful women who tell me during the date that they have a boyfriend. Women give me their phone number and when I call, they don't answer and don't call back. They tell me they want to go out on a date, but never make any specific plans. They go out a few times and then decide they're not interested. I know plenty of men who are frustrated with being unable to find a woman...Plus, there is the issue of women not wanting to have sex before marriage, etc. What is a single guy, in the face of such a difficult culture that sells sex on the one hand (strip clubs, porn, etc.,) and yet demonizes it on the other (porn bad, prostitution bad, extramarital sex bad), to do? Also, it is ridiculous to demonize the johns and make sex offenders out of them while prostitution is legal in Nevada and considered perfectly o.k. there. A man could go to Nevada, hire a prostitute and not be considered a sex offender. Additionally, yes, the women in prostitution CHOOSE to do so, mostly. Sure there are many who are forced into it, but most could just as soon choose not to do it. The problem is a culture in which there is so much social/dating anomie and a demonization of sex on the one hand and a promotion of it as a commodity on the other. Hell, I'd love to be able to find an attractive young woman to go home with tonight -- without paying for it -- but in today's culture, that's very difficult if not impossible. It would be much easier to pay for it -- of course, sadly, I might wind up with my picture in the paper, though.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisMany good points made by others in these responses. In addition, I get irritated when psychologists and feminists downgrade the very valid desires of men by always saying they want to dominate or abuse women. Even if it is true sometimes, so what? Many women desire to be dominated, so chill when it comes to these complex love and sex relationships.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisMany of the opinions listed in the article are related to a spectrum of experiencing self worth through recognition by others. For some this may be through violence or by seeking romance, but it is about being acknowledged. Other men (women) do the same thing by being workaholics. Disappointments in live lead to the lack of relations with others, thus in feedback to ones self esteem, men or women. The substitution looks different between the genders. Just my opinion. I am surprised that the article did not provide the hint of an analysis, just a list of opinions, no framework, no scientific method.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI have to admit that the one time I was tempted to pay I declined, but it also left me wondering if I'd missed something. It was just a little to pricey for my budget at the time.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisBut I digress: Name one other thing you can give away, but when you charge money, its a crime? As for "psychologically damaged women," perhaps its because they're being forced to break the law to earn money for something they could give away otherwise. If it were legal perhaps women wouldn't feel so stigmatized doing it. If it were legal to charge, who'd care what a woman did. Look how its handled where it is legal. No one is forced to work there. The women make a choice. Isn't that what freedom is all about?
How come its a woman's right to choose an abortion because its her body and we know she's never left "psychologically damaged" after that, but its not her body when it comes to sex and somehow making a choice to have sex for money does? Give me a break.
Guys are willing to pay money for sex to avoid the hassle and try some variety. Perhaps even engage in something that the Wife/Girlfriend won't or aren't willing to try.
At the risk of stating the obvious, more and more women are paying for sex, too -- gigolos, the whole of ideas of "cougars' -- although it's apparently not as acceptable socially -- you may well ask why both men and women pay for sex. Women 'pay' in other ways, too. A little more balanced reporting here, please!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAt the risk of stating the obvious, more and more women are paying for sex, too -- gigolos, the whole of ideas of "cougars' -- although it's apparently not as acceptable socially -- you may well ask why both men and women pay for sex. Women 'pay' in other ways, too. A little more balanced reporting here, please!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWho says women aren't left "psychologically damaged" after an abortion? The data gathered on this is unreliable: abortion happens only in the context of an unwanted pregnancy, and it is impossible to attribute psychological responses assessed after an abortion to the abortion per se. Because it is impossible to randomize women to abortion or delivery, no research addresses the issue conclusively.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAs a male I have to agree with much of Hotblack's post; his observations are often insightful. In the battle of the sexes (indeed, it often is a battle), men are not always the bad guys as is so often portrayed--the picture is quite complex. I well remember taking more than one college buddy out to get drunk and work it out after he go dumped by his girl for this or that reason--usually for a male of perceived greater status. (Not a pretty sight.) And for many men there is an efficency in paying: trying to make a living and wanting eventually support a family at a certain economic level, making familiar expectations; paying for sex at some stage in their lives is simply efficient-and honest.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisYet I recognize the misery at the other side as well. As an individual who has worked a bit with transsexual and male sex workers, I have to say that that in my experience, these populations were deeply wounded or often downright lost souls. They are perhaps different from the biologically female demographics in a hetero context, but the failout from child abuse and need to be wanted seemed to me to far exceed any financial gains from johns. Sexuality became a validation in many cases and I can't help but wondering to what extent with born female sex workers this has some meaning. Why anyone would sell their bodies must have many reasons and in different cultures, quite diverse ones.
We all sell ourselves to some degree and I'm not sure if selling out bodies is the firewall to whoredom from selling our souls. Ideally, there is something honest about paying upfront for sex and dishonest about pretending to "love" someone with the expectations of getting an expensive gift for the same activity. There are so many cultural expectations between men and woman that the fact that any of us can have love, lust and honesty is a great surprize to me. Yet it does happen.
My observation is that while one can speak of studies as those cited here, we are still speaking of individuals functioning within diverse perceptions of cultural norms. The results of any study may tell us far more about the study than the subjects it purports to illucidate. ).
I would venture to say that most of these letters in response to the "prostitute question" have truth in them but don't get to the heart of the matter. It must be argued that from the viewpoint of just numbers and influence human sapiens has been wildly successful here on earth. However there are dark clouds on the horizon. As in the case of HIV virus, a wildly successful parasite may eventually kill its host and requires a new host as part of its plan to survive. So the reason for the wild success of homo sapiens may be related to the strong sex drive in the male-female relationship. It has been suggested { The Naked Ape, (Desmond Morris) etc.} that the success of humans is related to the strong family unit which may be at partially based on a strong male-female sexual relationship. Could it be that the prostitute situation is something that nature accepts as collateral waste in order to build the strong family units that breed large numbers of children successfully? The males that, for whatever reason, don't completely satisfy their sexual drive in a relationship producing more humans, use prostitutes to satisfy their drive. Apparently the sex drive of females operates in a somewhat different way. They historically, have not had the cash nor the inclination for prostitutes. Besides there have always been a plentitude of available males around.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI agree with one of the comments that there are women who
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thispay for sex and it isn't gigolos, it is one night stand prostitution.
It is prevalent around college campuses and military bases.
I was propositioned while I was in the Navy,by a middle age
woman, she offered the going rate. But I fled back to the base. The place was full of young men in their late teens and early twenties, and many middle aged women.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWhy do men pay for sex? I don't doubt that for SOME men it's about control. Bu for most, I think, it is very simple: because it their only option to have sex with a person they are legitimately attracted to. Either you pay for it, or you don't have it. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for many men to find fulfilling sexual relationships -- or in many cases, sexual relationships AT ALL? And yes, sure, many johns are married, but they are sexually bored with their partners. This is news?
We still live in a Victorian society where men are the predators, and women are innocent damsels. Women pay for
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thissex just as men do. Around military bases and colleges,where
there are lots of young men, middle age women flock there. Women
pay for one night stands just as men do.
I guess I'd better join the chorus here and agree that the writing style is a bit stilted. Disappointing because it reinforces the notion that scientists are socially inept and unconsciously repressed types. Or... just nerds.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThat said, I can't agree with the so-called experts either. All this theorizing (and then arguing about it) is pretty silly. As pointed out by another: just examining sex among Bonobo and other chimps tells us a lot about Homo Sapiens. But we must add to that the lot of permutations created by both the human condition and human erotic imagination.
Not mentioned: sex is best for both parties when it is initiated by either the male or female as play. It's annoying that some "experts" think males are interested in control, domination and abuse of females - when some females invite PLAY of that kind - actually (and repeatedly) have fun with rough sex (as well as sexual release).
Also not mentioned: many men take cues from their female partner. So the women do have a say - but it's in the form of this kind of influence. My own rule: If she's laughing and playful and her eyes flash - then it's going to be an enjoyable evening. If she's dour and over-sensitive: just pay the tab and drive her home. Hire a prostitute? I did - once - over forty years ago.
I think the need for "companionship and affection can be overcome in time" is really not true. I am a Stage-IV prostate cancer patient and no interest in coitus, yet i still crave for companionship. Including companion of the person i loved when very young and could not marry her. Maybe i am unique
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI have been intimate with many many prostitutes; street hookers for oral sex, "escorts" for everything, happy finish massage parlors, and . . . women who got paid the same way they paid me - through sex that both of us wanted. Why is the latter more acceptable? Why is it legal for the so many women who have had sex with me after I bought them flowers and took them to an expensive dinner, and/or bought them a gift they wanted very much, but the woman who would rather cut to the chase, take cash and be able to do that several times a day, then spend the money any way they want criminals? Whether I am having a one night stand or paying a prostitute, I am having an extended intimate moment with those women because that is what I'm seeking - intimacy. A women's hands on me, her looking into my eyes as we share our most secret parts, and . . . sharing an orgasm or at least having an orgasm with someone else nurturing me at the same time. I really don't think it's a big deal. Violent, misogynistic men are that way with all women. Many men go to prostitutes to BE dominated! There are sooooo many variables and all of them are very personal.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI have been intimate with many many prostitutes; street hookers for oral sex, "escorts" for everything, happy finish massage parlors, and . . . women who got paid the same way they paid me - through sex that both of us wanted. Why is the latter more acceptable? Why is it legal for the so many women who have had sex with me after I bought them flowers and took them to an expensive dinner, and/or bought them a gift they wanted very much, but the woman who would rather cut to the chase, take cash and be able to do that several times a day, then spend the money any way they want criminals? Whether I am having a one night stand or paying a prostitute, I am having an extended intimate moment with those women because that is what I'm seeking - intimacy. A women's hands on me, her looking into my eyes as we share our most secret parts, and . . . sharing an orgasm or at least having an orgasm with someone else nurturing me at the same time. I really don't think it's a big deal. Violent, misogynistic men are that way with all women. Many men go to prostitutes to BE dominated! There are sooooo many variables and all of them are very personal.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisbecause you get what you pay for and the same goes for free sex
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI am frankly amazed at how many men think dinner and flowers should buy them sex with their date. What a bunch of cheap losers on this thread! Sex workers make a living from having sex; women who are independently financially stable see the dinner/flowers thing as a gesture of interest, not an upfront payment. Sheesh.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisYou can do what you want with your "secret parts" --I'm outie.
Very often in the history of science, apparently trivial questions lead to deep and unexpected insights.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThis is probably not one of those times.
I do have a few questions that can help illuminate the issue, and will probably drive readers like caffeinequeen into paroxysms of rage:
1. In a "consensual" relationship, who consents more often, and to what? Does one partner generally consent to have sex with the other, or does one partner more often than not consent to the other's desire not to have sex or not to do certain activities? That may shed light on why people go outside their consensual relationships.
2. If it's demeaning for women to be placed in a situation where they have to sell sex, isn't it equally demeaning to place men in a position where they have to buy sex?
3. Why is it demeaning (and generally criminal) for one partner in a relationship to coerce the other to have sex, but not considered demeaning (and never criminal) for one partner to coerce the other into not having sex?
"After all, people are generally willing to pay for activities they enjoy as much as they do sex. On the other hand, a man can usually get sex for free in the context of an ordinary intimate relationship."
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWell, this simply isn't true - there may be no monetary cost, but there certainly is a price for sex within an intimate relationship, and sometimes that price is the pain of awareness and persistence within an intimate relationship. I'd say that people opt to ignore themselves/reality and still get what they want, than go through the process of updating their outdated world-maps and enduring the agony of awareness [which, after a long period of self-avoidance, is very painful]. It makes sense that people would buy sex to fulfill their needs, than go through a more "pricey" process, really, they ARE choosing the easier and softer way through buying sex. I'd say it has much less to do with power and domination, than it does with finding the path of least resistance [lowest price] to obtain what they want/need.
"After all, people are generally willing to pay for activities they enjoy as much as they do sex. On the other hand, a man can usually get sex for free in the context of an ordinary intimate relationship."
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWell, this simply isn't true - there may be no monetary cost, but there certainly is a price for sex within an intimate relationship, and sometimes that price is the pain of awareness and persistence within an intimate relationship. I'd say that people opt to ignore themselves/reality and still get what they want, than go through the process of updating their outdated world-maps and enduring the agony of awareness [which, after a long period of self-avoidance, is very painful]. It makes sense that people would buy sex to fulfill their needs, than go through a more "pricey" process, really, they ARE choosing the easier and softer way through buying sex. I'd say it has much less to do with power and domination, than it does with finding the path of least resistance [lowest price] to obtain what they want/need.
It's really obvious.. through evolution women can only procreate certaIn times of the month and men have to be ready and available when that happens, so through evolution men have a much higher sex drive and is very intense and quick. That allows for a much larger pool of available possibilities for that to happen. Men live for sex it's all around us in one form or another, through music, literature and movies. The male bonding pattern is always about the girl. That tells us that it consumes a large portion of a man's life. So the pattern continues and the only to fulfill this on off cycles with the female is to stray and stay active because that is the drive in all men. Really it is all about evolution and procreation. The buying of it is just a symptom of the modern world we live in and the structure of our societies that gives men an easier or faster way of making it happen...
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisOK, I was curious and checked back--for the last time!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisYou flatter yourself: paroxysms of rage? More like fits of giggling!
1. Apparently you need to look up the word "consensual" in the dictionary, my poor benighted fellow.
2. No, it's not equally as demeaning, you idiot--the man is doing something he wants, the woman is doing something she needs to do to survive (and spare me the stories of rich and fabulous call girls--no one really wants to be a prostitute)
3. Of course it's not criminal TO DO NOTHING. Are you for real?
You need to find a new girlfriend, dude.
It's really obvious.. through evolution women can only procreate certaIn times of the month and men have to be ready and available when that happens, so through evolution men have a much higher sex drive and is very intense and quick. That allows for a much larger pool of available possibilities for that to happen. Men live for sex it's all around us in one form or another, through music, literature and movies. The male bonding pattern is always about the girl. That tells us that it consumes a large portion of a man's life. So the pattern continues and the only to fulfill this on off cycles with the female is to stray and stay active because that is the drive in all men. Really it is all about evolution and procreation. The buying of it is just a symptom of the modern world we live in and the structure of our societies that gives men an easier or faster way of making it happen...
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI don't know what language dictionary caffeinequeen looked up "consensual" in, but in my English dictionary it's related to the word "consent." If both parties agree to have sex, that's consent. If one does and one doesn't, but one agrees to respect the feelings of the other, that, too, is consent (provided one side or the other doesn't exploit it unfairly). If one party consistently denies sex to the other, that is not consent.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWe all do stuff we don't want to do. That doesn't make it inherently demeaning.
Doing nothing CAN be criminal, or at the very least abusive. No one would contest that a partner who totally denied the other emotional support is abusive; why is denying sex any different?
Well, even though the article started in a balanced way, it had to end highlighting the damage. I am a part-time escort, and have been in and out of sex work for the last 4 years. I never met a man who wanted to hurt me or exert power over me - although some guys were pushy. 99% of my clients were respectful and considerate, and most wanted companionship and cared for MY pleasure as much as theirs. A lot of them are married men where sex died in their relationships - but they still love their family too much for a divorce, and yet they can't handle living without sexual intimacy at all or with uninspired obligatory intimacy that their wives are conceding to once a year.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisOn the other hand, my selection is biased. As a college educated woman with genuine interest in people I advertised myself in a way that attracts client who seek companionship - I advertised both my body and mind, so it's no wonder I got the clients I got. And I know of many, many others who do the same.
Diversity in this industry is HUGE: do not paint either the clients or us, the workers with one brush. And also, you'd be surprised at how many women actually ARE here by choice. They just stay hidden because they don't want to deal with stigma or legal problems that accompany a coming out.
I had a few experiences with prostitutes in Europe while in the Air Force... most didn't speak English. They were fun I was fun we had a good time. I got my rocks off and they got a little ego boost from getting paid. (Can you imagine how humiliating it is never having a woman wanting to pay to bonk you?) ...anyway there was just too much going on in my life to be bothered with a relationship.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this...and the number one reason men buy sex iiiiiiiis....
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this...Because women are willing to sell it!
Tada!
Thank you for coming everyone, goodnight!!!
caffeinqueen,
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisSo far, all your comments have been gratuitously critical if not downright hostile toward males. You jump to conclusions with the alacrity of a common cynic.
As for our "belief" that we provide amenities on dates: is it not apparent that this is just shorthand for the various ways this occurs? I mean, it's not necessarily a literal expression, but an iconic reference for the social "dance" which has long been (thankfully) part of civilized sexual relationships. I grant though that some men are equally cynical and are begin literal. Perhaps your response is just "in kind."
Staying on topic: I think the research reported in the article is too narrow - and believe many people agree.
Some men... buy sex. Some men... buy sex a lot. Some men... buy sex once of a few times and then move on to more conventional sexual modes.
Fish in an aquarium are unable to distinguish between their environment and the river, lake or ocean which is "normal" to their species. Likewise, I suspect, humans adopt a myriad "lifestyles" when it comes to sex - without being aware of "normal." The exceptions are clear: sociopaths of either gender pretty much know their violent patterns are forbidden and illegal.
Anything short of behavior which victimizes the partner is "normal." But we habitually incorporate moral judgments to play the "pecking order" game - also part of Evolution's way of sorting out the species destiny.
You, ma'am, are playing the pecking order game - going for "superior" to those you may feel threatened by. At least that's what it appears to observers.
That this question was even asked in the way that it was framed says a huge amount about the post christian Anglo Saxon world view of the researchers and the grant funding body.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisCan I have some funding to answer the question "Why do people eat at restaurants?"
Why pay for food when you can eat it at home some think these 'patrons' simply desire food, a desire for variety, convenience others think that these 'patrons' are acting on a desire to exert power over serving staff and that restaurants allow them to enact fantasies of class relations. While some claim that working in a restaurant is a choice many workers suffer psychologically from the emotional strain and low social status.
I would think a scientific approach to this question would start with an examination of the biology of people. A woman's investment in having offspring is very high relative to a man's, so women have evolved to be much choosier about whom to mate with. This is consistent with casual observations of sexual behaviors in people: Men tend to want more sex with more partners (spread the genes at little cost), while women tend to be more selective and do most of the choosing.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThe second-order implication of this arrangement is that, for a man, sex is both: (a) physically pleasurable, and (b) psychologically pleasurable as a validation of social status and worth, conferred by the woman. Both are reward mechanisms instilled by the selfish genes, although of different sorts.
In my view, (b) is probably more of a motivator for men to buy sex than (a) is, averaged across the population. Lines of evidence: (1) masturbation is physically pleasurable and free, but men still pay for sex. (2) many (most?) men who pay for sex are in relationships with women, often where sex is available -- sometimes even frequently. (The pleasure associated with validation lessens over time within a lengthy relationship, since validation essentially happens just once. Hence men "like variety".) (3) women who sell sex often market themselves as more than just a physical experience; what they convey is a faithful reproduction of the process of a woman selecting a mate (try Googling "GFE"), involving intimacy, teasing, cuddling, kissing, small talk, appreciating small gifts, exchanging phone numbers, and so on. Assuming these women are marketing well, it argues that many men are seeking something that isn't exclusively physical.
The paradox of course is that paying someone to validate you socially does not actually confer any such validation. But this is the human dilemma: Evolution has given us instinctual responses that are maladaptive in our present context. We eat too much high-calorie food even though we want to lose weight. We enjoy looking at seductive pictures of beautiful women, even though we know it's only a photo and our chance to be with them is zero. Part of the challenge of being human is being self-aware about these biases, and more conscious and intentional in our actions.
Perhaps religion is the major driver of both poverty and the sex industry? Think about it, a guy is raised to think sex outside of marriage is evil so he pays for easy women because it feels less guilty that way and there are no mixed messages, the woman is consenting and there are no repurcussions such as one might expect to be ashamed for acting out these urges with a religious girlfriend.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisPerhaps religion is a big driver of the sex industry? No repurcussions or mixed messages for having sex with a non-religious individual, whereas it would feel guilty dragging an innocent into a sinful act. I know that when I was a lad in religion school that they told me how sex without marriage is the evilist sin somebody could commit, even worse than murder. I still have psychological issues from that "sex education" class, so I find pornography to be a more guiltless option, and I'd imagine prostitution would be more guiltless than sex with a girlfriend. I have the same guilt associated issues with making the big bucks and purchasing luxury items even now that I am an atheist.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAs a former "professional", I feel compelled to throw a little monkey in this wrench. I got my first client from a friend who was quitting the biz and developed a very short clientele by word of mouth. These men were all in power positions and didn't really have TIME for a so-called "real" relationship with a "real" girlfriend/wife. Would not these same men be paying the mortgage, car payments & other bills of their "real" girlfriends/wives? By and large I'd say yes. In exchange I gave them the social and sexual attention they craved as well as stimulating, intelligent and even deep conversation. I made great arm candy which garnered them the admiration of their peers. I also provided complete confidentiality at all times with no exceptions. It's called TRUST. How many people can truly say they have that kind of trust in whatever "real" relationship they are in right now? Trust this: my relationships with these men were very real and I cared about them and respected them.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI constantly picked their brains and learned everything I could from them about business, art, gourmet food and travel. I taught them as well. All in all, I'd say it was a fairly even trade. Oh, yeah. We had sex, too!
I never did anything I didn't want to do. I made A LOT of money and paid MY bills, rent and transportation. I could spend the night with one client once or twice a month and make enough to pay everything for 3 or 4 months in advance. No hassles, no worries and plenty of time of my own to do whatever I wanted.
One thing I would like to emphasize is that I took the pimp out of the equation. No man or woman should make money off a woman's back. The word "pimp" is used in pop/hip hop culture to equate "cool factor" but REAL pimps are abusive scumbags who are too lazy to grow up and get a JOB. My motto was always "If you're not doing the work, why the hell should I give you any of MY money?!" if you know what I mean. Arrest the pimps.
At least whe "johns" have the "moral values" to pay for sex, not buy the whole women like they do not far from here ( yay!! third world ecomony!!)
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisMATING INVOLVES MONEY. For example, one kind of male bird tosses food to his mate inside a tree nest in the hopes that she will have his child. IT IS OKAY TO TOSS FOOD TO A POTENTIAL MATE. Marriage has economic aspects, even if bills are split 50-50. Morality is the ability to discern right from wrong. CONSENSUAL ADULT SEX IS NOT WRONG. America has a large problem with rape and molest. One in three American women reports being raped. Molest is also common. Sex for pay is a healthy alternative to less socially acceptable expressions of the sex drive, and it is good clean fun if a condom without spermicide is used. The spermicide is a chemical assault that seeds bacteria and viruses.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI have sold sex. I worked for three months at an outcall service when I was eighteen. I stopped doing it because it was frightening to me and I came across warts, which was really devastating. Sex transmits disease in sex that follows drinking in bars, yet getting drunk and laid is not considered a crime. It is the unhealthy religious perview of certain elements of society that villifies sex as wrong. Warts are an epidemic in America among those that do not sell sex, also. My grandmother, ostensibly monogamous, found she had a wall of dangling polyps along the back of her vagina after her husband died. Too bad she did not know to put in a clove of peeled garlic as I have been doing 25 years to kill yeast and e-coli if they show up, garlic also kills warts and prevents and cures cancer together with broccoli and other cross and mustard family vegetables. MOST men have one or more warts up their ass. It is very common. Castor oil twice a day is useful to treat and prevent warts, also garlic juice, potato juice, dandelion milk, all twice a day. Warts need air to breathe so duct tape can suffocate them, castor oil and duct tape is double duty.
It seemed to me that men that bought sex were mostly lonely. My lover that helped support me many years, who I met selling sex at the outcall service, said no, men buy it because they are horny, not lonely. Probably both play a role.
Selling sex is not anti-feminist. I have also worked as a stripper many years, and used money from lotion wrestling to pay for law school tuition. It can be a form of women's empowerment. The naked body is an aspect of the art of nature, it is not some tawdry crime.
The obvious reality is that there is more demand for sex, particularly from males, than there is supply. Men pay for activities they enjoy, that is an adequate explanation.
As far as the comment about sex for cash being violent at times goes, how does that differ from the plight of women in general? Women are subjected to violence from men day to day in America. I did not have the experience selling sex of a violent male. I am sure it happens. Abuse of women is a plague infesting America. Making sex available is a useful vent for men's sexual aggression.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisIt is incorrect to suggest that men only want to buy sex if they can't get laid. Pretty men buy sex, also. But overweight men are common in society and in sex purchasers. Lack of adequate access to sex is clearly one issue. Saying that women are forced into prostitution by poverty is like saying they are forced into the workforce by poverty. The work pays well and requires little effort. The hours are flexible and mating opportunities are abundant. Many of the men that buy are successful businessmen, and there are many opportunities in a cash for sex context that are otherwise unavailable to a woman. Drinking champagne and getting laid are actually fun activities. A job where one can get cash PLUS sex is a fantasy to some men...a fantasy that is not typically available to them. I met a lot of rich and interesting men selling sex. I do not regret the experiences.
The Supreme Court held in 1982 that we have no right to consensual adult sex such as oral sex on a female or any weird sex like that. WHEN WAS MY PUSSY DELEGATED TO CONGRESS? IT IS NOT THEIR JURISDICTION. ALL POWERS NOT DELEGATED TO CONGRESS WERE THOUGHT TO BE RETAINED BY THE PEOPLE. The necessary and proper clase of the constitution has been used to uphold many "moral" codes including gambling and sex, but it was not intended to be a power on its own, only a vehicle to uphold ENUMERATED powers. Get the government out of my ass!
People pay for sex because there are no strings attached, thanks here is your cash, don't ever call me, and do keep it a secret. Such sex with no anchor means all the pleasures go, all pleasures, go and try it, have some fun, some sinful pleasure of no attachment.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this"Get the government out of my ass!"
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThis is quite possibly the best sentence I have ever read on this site. ...or any site. ...ever. Hahaha...
What about the rules for divorce? A wealthy man with $1mill in assets risks total depletion from marriage which has a better than 50% chance of failure while at $1000 per week limits his downside potential - dramatically.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThe flip side of the coin to "Why do men buy sex" is, I would think, why don't women? Are we continuing to operate under the rather dated assumption that women are not as sexual as men? Do they not at any point desire intimacy or, failing that, a nice, good lay? I doubt we'll ever get over our hang-ups over prostitution if the transaction is considered only in the context of the woman as the seller and the man as the buyer. When women can buy sex and intimacy as easily and as comfortably as men - and let's face it, despite it's still somewhat seedy nature, it's still easier and certainly more socially acceptable for a man to hire a prostitute than for a woman - that is when we will have had a true revolution.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisHotblack made some very good points. Actually better than the points made in the article itself. The article itself did not really answer the question in the title. And where is the science behind the article? This article could have been written better by almost any man or woman old enough to have had some life experience. There is almost no factual information in the article. It is just some opinions and some speculations about possibilitiies.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWhere is the Science? This article looks like it was designed to sell copies on the newstand. The question, which is a legitimate one, is arresting. But the contents were disappointing. It is about what I would expect from Cosmopolitan, but not from Scientific American, at least not the older version. Clearly there have been some changes at Sci Am in the directino of not adhering to any particular standards.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThe article begins with a rather odd statistic:
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisIn the U.S., police officers detained about 78,000 people in 2007 for prostitution-related crimes, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
What does the nuimber of people arrested have to do with the prevalence of men paying for sex? That statistic is a measure of law enforcement activity. It is no doubt a tiny fraction of a percentage point of the activity the article is supposed to be about. I would expect more from Scientific American, like what are some numbers on the prevalence of the phenomenon? Something that only happens 78,000 times in a year in a country with 301 million people. Let's think about that, people. 301 million divided by 2 is about 105.5 million males. Times 365 days per year. Equals about 55 billion "male-days" in a year. How often are these males having sex? Let's assume once every 15 days on average. Never for those who have not reached puberty. More for some, less for others. It does not make much difference for purposes of this exercise. That would mean 3.66billion times men having sex in a year in the US. On 78,000 occasions there is an arrest. 78,000 divided by 3.66 billion equals 0.002%. Conclusion: either mean are NOT buying sex at a rate that merits attention, or the number of arrests is a totally irrelevant statistic.
Men buy sex because they are relatively simple when it comes to sex. They evolved so that they like sex very much, and the physical act is rewarding, regardless of whether there is more to it. Womenm however, evolved differently and are more complex. They often do want sex and enjoy it, but women are not that simple because they also want communication, connection, intimacy, feeling loved, and from an evolutionary point of vew they want to have sex with men who will stick around and help raise any children that result. Clearly, a basic incompatibility exists. Men want sex more than women want sex, and so the solution is a relatively large number of men will pay a relatively small number of women for sex. Not a great system for the organisms involved, but it works well for the DNA. The DNA are in charge anyway, and so tough luck for the organixms. The people just exist to replicate the DNA, and then they die.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWe have not yet gotten to the interesting part, which is why do the women almost always get upset if they discover that the men have been buying sex?
no, they don't. Sure in some cases, which reflects that some women were exposed to higher levels of testosterone in the womb than others, but the facts are that men are way more likely to pay than women. You are deluding yourself if you thinkg the the two sexes are basically the same and with a little tweak to the environmental conditions, the two genders will behave the same.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisSteve D--
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisgood questions.
I would like to add
4. Why do men and women both object to the tohter party "cheating"?
5. What dtermines whetehr a woman chooes to become a prostitute?
6. Among other primates, is there any behavior that is equivalent to men paying for sex with ap partner other than the "spouse"?
"Why don't women buy sex?" is an easy question: They don't need to. Nearly any woman propositioning random men has a fairly high likelihood of getting free sex. It's very different statistics the other way around: Women will almost never accept sex from a stranger (i.e., men pay because they have to, if they want easy sex). This strong asymmetry has been observed in a number of psychology experiments, and is not surprising given the biology involved.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisCheck out"happy endings" a doc film on Asian massage parlors in RI where prostitution is legal. Check the blog and youtube channel and leave comments. Sign up on the website to get updates on the release.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thishttp://www.happyendingsdoc.com
http://happyendingsdoc.wordpress.com
http://www.youtube.com/happyendingsdoc
Who do you think came up with the idea for prostitution a man or a woman? I asked everyone in the film that question, you would be surprised at the response. If you believe it is the worlds oldest profession who was the first to as to trade sex for money or something in exchange for sex. Was it a man or a woman?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThe author of the article seemed as if he was attempting to reference multiple points of view, and therefore as if it was an objective article. Im a Ph.D. candidate, who has studied in this area, and this article is far from objective.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisOne of the first rules of research is you have to know your population. And this author broke this rule all over the place. He lumped together highly differing populations (e.g., street walkers/call girls), suggesting they have the same results.
The call girls Ive worked with have never even come close to experiencing violence. They tell of their clients treating them very well. One considers herself as having been at far greater danger for violence when she worked as a waitresswhen a fight would break out in the restaurant (drunks) or someone robbing the restaurantluckily during her off-shift. Or the time she was walking home afterward and was mugged at gunpoint.
Saying a call girl is at the same risk for violence as a street walker, is like studying how children raised by teenage single mothers by accident turn out, and saying it applies equally well to how children raised by Single Mothers by Choice (SMCs) turn out. SMCs are older, mature women, who decide to become artificially inseminated. Research finds that children raised by SMCs turn out even better, generally, than kids raised by a mom and dad! Some of the factors that make this so: SMCs have plenty of money, they highly desire and have long planned for their children, they have more social support than most married couplessince they knew they wouldnt have a spouse to rely on, they went to great pains to build up a social support network before having children, their children never experienced the break of a family via divorce&.
I have examined the literature on why people go into sex work. Early research spread the myth that people went into sex work because they were sexually abused. This research lacked control groups. When researchers finally examined control groups of women who did not go into sex work they found that equal numbers of them had been sexually abused. So it couldnt be sexual abuse that was leading to the choice of selling sex as a profession. So what was it?
First let me say, that the literature (as well as my clinical experience) also reveals that the statement that sex workers dont like it is inaccurate. The two primary things they dislike about it are: 1) the stigma and 2) the fear of getting arrested. Other than that, they love the work environmentthe hours, how they get to choose their own schedule, and who they see. They love the variety of interesting people they get to meet, and so forth. Also, interestingly, people who go into sex work have a higher physical self-esteem (they feel better about their bodies and looks) than people in the general population.
People say, no one would choose to be gay because its so stigmatized by society. Similarly they say, no woman would choose to be a prostitute. Well, what I found in the literature is that there may not be a genetic tendency to go into to sex work (like there is to be gay), so much as it is this: The only small statistical differences that were found between people who chose sex work and those who didnt, is that people who chose it were exposed to sex at a slightly earlier age in general, and in a Non-shameful manner. That is, Early-On they were NOT exposed to the message that there is something shameful around sex. Later on, of course they learned ite.g., how bad they were, or what sluts they were for having or enjoying sex so much. But, importantly, around their early sexual selves, they were NOT given the message of Shame. So they never fully internalized, when their brains was developing, like most in our society do, that there is something inherently shameful around sexuality.
The person on this board who asked about the association of religion and the sex industry, I do know this. The vast majority of sex offenders are Highly religious. I would challenge you to find a non-religious sex offender.
Religion teaches shame around sexuality, which drives repression. Our sexual drive is as natural is our drive to eat. When we repress our drive to eat, or when we consider certain foods as bad we end up over-eating, or eating in a way less healthy than we would have eaten otherwise. Same with sex
It’s false to believe that men (clients) don’t care for ladies (providers) as human beings. After sex, the client leaves, but that’s the way the provider wants it too. Comparatively, after a trip to see your doctor, dentist, lawyer, computer professional or accountant, you pay and leave. It’s somewhat rare, that you take your lawyer out for dinner. Lack of personal involvement with your doctor doesn’t indicate disrespect.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI so enjoyed reading the replies, I particularly enjoyed yours. See mine—from the literature I read on why people do Sex Work, I would propose that those who do Restaurant Work failed to internalize an early message of shame around doing so. :-)
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisdoug l at 06:42 AM on 12/03/08
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this... our inability to think beyond the judeo-christian morality that's been foisted upon us...
You forget the only reason you can complain about the "judeo-christian" value system is because it has given you its full benefits which sadly you have not yet fully exploited, probably because of intellectual laziness.
Eventually prostitution is the souse of more harm than the good it serves, for all parties involved.
Why it's done? Well, all the posted suggestions and those of the eminent psychologists will do for me.
Why it persists? Thinking like yours.
The basic elements of prostitution are a demand, supply and price. If there is no supply, no market for prostitution arises. But since those who supply it knows that there is a psychological and genetic demand for sex, then the supply will always be there. No man-made law can suppressed genetic and market forces. Even the divine law tried to curtail it with the "No adultery" commandment, but it is only with godlike characteristic can tell Satan, "behind my back".
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisManny
Sex and prostitution are genetic and psychological as well as pysiological necessities of humans. Medical reseaches for the past decide, both published in SciAm and other science magazines disclosed that degenerating diseases like cancer of the breast and uterus, etc. are prevalent for women who have not experience pregnacies. Hormonal benfits of pregnacy contribute to a healthy bio-system in most women. In fact, most nuns who have not undergone sexual pregnacies get most of these cancerous diseases. (most not all). Therefore, there is a genetic need for the body to under such sexual experience. The market forces of sex and prostitution calls for its progressive development since time immemorial (from the ancients till today). If there is no psychological etc. demand, there is no supply. Since the supplier knows about the demand, then there continues to have sex. Price calls for the need and supply factors.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisDespite human and divine laws, sex and prostitution will continue. There is no stop.
As a former prostitute, may I just say some of us LOVE our work. Then the next question is always, why did you quit? It's called LE (Law Enforcement). If it was legal I would still be doing it. Why? If you are working the top end of the profession - which I was - the men are exceptional and the dates are amazing. Boutique shopping, fine dining, Broadway plays, the symphony, travel, stimulating conversation and being worshipped as the Goddess incarnate. What's not to like?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisPlus my clients were admirable people working on cures for disease or sending the needy to college or inventing solutions to major problems affecting this globe. I learned so much about life and I lost my hatred of the wealthy (well some of them anyway). Sure there was an occassional toad in the mix. But that only meant he was boring or tedious - not violent.
You know, there isn't a single argument against prostitution which cannot be leveled against marriage. Marriage can be violent. Marriage can spread sexually transmitted diseases. Marriage can be associated with crime (ever heard of incest? One out of four little girls and one out of five little boys have). Marriage like prostitution is all about private relationships which can be based upon mutual respect or they can be based upon manipulation and coersion. A marriage license does NOT make you a nice guy or gal. And getting paid for your time does not make you a bad person. People bring whatever they are to their relationships. That might be wonderful, it might be mediocre or it might be down right evil. But trying to sort out the good people from the bad people by whether they get laid with a marriage license or a few Ben Franklins is stupid.
men who (at any age) have a basic nature of the "irresponsable child behaviour" tend to go to- and want prostitutes, in contrast to moral adults.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAll other reasons are just excuses....
I've never considered lesbian but now I have...thanks!!!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisSounds as if maybe you should "hotblack". You don't sound too female friendly LMAO Yay for lesbianism!!!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisPerhaps women who are financially hard-up should go and do manual labor instead of hooking. Or is it that only men should do undesirable physical labor?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThe comments of the women who've actually done this work are telling. The variety of views and experiences expressed by commenters give the lie to all the unsupported generalizations about why, what it means, etc.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWhere is the science? Here's some, based on some great research you couldn't do today because it would never pass ethics review: Lovers, friends, slaves: The nine male sexual types, their psycho-sexual transactions with call girls by Martha L Stein. In the 1968-73 period, Stein, a university researcher, arranged with about 50 "call girls" to hide in their apartments, sometimes in closets, and observe many hundreds of "interactions" with clients. The women knew she was there; the men were never informed. She recorded these activities, both verbal and physical, both qualitatively and quantitatively (how many wanted certain kinds of emotional interaction; how many wanted oral sex, etc.). The book title refers to the results of the cluster analysis; the contents include both conclusions from quantitative analyses, and raw data from the observations.
The variety of motivations she found in just one area of the sex industry also contradict all the global generalizations made in this article and by commenters: there is no one reason why men buy sex.
Others have done real research into this question. It's sad this article didn't at least reference some of it.
I found it interesting that the authors offered no discussion or consideration of hiring same sex prostitution. Why not?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI am sure you're being serious. Well let me tell why. because contrary to popular believe women are much more popular than men. And can get sex much, much easier than men. Period!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI am sure you're being serious. Well let me tell why. because contrary to popular believe women are much more popular than men. And can get sex much, much easier than men. Period!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisNot really sure why the article, and many of the comments paint the following:
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisMen - Slaves to their carnal desires, can't help it and just need it.
Women - Vicitimized.
As mentioned by a comment or two, many of the women DO IN FACT choose to be in the industry, just as many of the good looking men who have active normal sex lives, choose to pay for sex...no one brush can paint them all.
However, the questions i pose are:
Can women who are in the sex trade by choice, still have "normal" sex lives, or will it always be a commodity to trade, will they ever enjoy sex and seek out strictly mutual pleasurable sex (meaning no money involved, just interaction). I actually enjoy having dinner and conversation with a girl before we have sex..i imagine that time spent, entertainment, conversation, emotional interaction could be considered as something being exchanged. There's more to change hands than just money and body fluids.
Since apparently many men who frequent prostitutes also desire to fulfill social/intimacy needs in addition to physical desires. I tend to believe that there are equivalent reasons for women in the industry as well.
Men/Women
Physical/Financial (Most cynical reasons, but is any one more nobler than the other?, no emotion, just a job and a service)
Validation of being desirable (both) This is emotionally charged, and probably very powerful, more so than what people think.
Objectification (ends justify the means) This goes along with the first combo, however some more negative connotation along with it meaning that socially they can not see the other as being anything more than sex/money.
Will it always be an objectification of both sexes? The Men will always be a meal ticket, something to be seduced? The Women, seduced by the money and attention which is only temporary (looks fade).
The Double standard:
The men who see these call-girls, how do they feel about their sister, wife, girlfriend, daughter being a call-girl? It's obviously very lucrative and many connections are made.
The women who are the call-girls, would they want their kids to do this? Would they want their boyfriends/husbands (if they were able to "love them") to see other call-girls?
It's a very easy,convenient and satisfying way to express your romantic feelings,sexuality and intimacy.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisA lot of good comments are made here. It would be interesting to know out of all the guys who placed a comment or to get feedback from anyone who buys sex to see if they would like prostitution to be a permanent job for their daughter or son?? Just out of curiosity and why, yes/no? Also, the reason I think that women feel betrayed when their man has sex with a prostitute is firstly a safety factor (the prostitute could be having unprotected sex with lots of other men) and secondly, unfortunately because of the way we are emotionally made up, women see the sex as emotional betrayal whereas to a man it may be just sex. I think it's important to put yourself in the other person's shoes (head) and ask yourself as a man, how would you like it if your girlfriend was having sex with other men. If it doesn't bother you, why are you in a relationship with this person at all? I really enjoyed the comments here more than the article!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisSorry, I meant lots of other sex with women but it's still a danger if they are having unprotected sex with different men too! :)
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisIf prostitution were accepted by society pimps would not be able to take advantage of girls the way they do now. Nor would the girls consider themselves outcasts without judgmental prunes like caffeinequeen trying to force her morality on them. People like her are the ones doing the damage.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this1. Vastly different varieties of prostitue and john, from independent, resource verifying internet pros to those of the harder streets.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this2. Yes, Variety and independence are real factors: an assurtion of a type of freedom in an entangled and unnatural world.
3. There are some very nice prostitutes, and some really twisted and hurt people.
4. The subject has to be studied with objectivity that niether male chauvanists, feminists, law or religion can support.
Did I mention that you do less damage to your marriage with pros that with regular entanglements?
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisMen are happy to pay for sex as (in that case) there is no responsibility to make partner sexually satisfied, which no male(of any species) can. The incapability of male in performing to the satisfaction of female can be deduced from the violent reactions of females after mating, in most cases causing injury(or even death) to male partner, even(like dogs) by creatures who are otherwise of gentle demeanour. This difference between male and female may be natures way of ensuring continuation of species, ie, the male shall continue mating for he knows he will derive pleasure, the female shall for she hopes this time she will derive pleasure.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisMen pay for sex to derive pleure without the responsibility to let partner achieve climax. In all other forms of life, male is a poor performer and is so averse to sex that nature had to introduce a season exclusively for this, when no other thought troubles him as an excuse. The male incompetence in sexual performance can also be seen in the violent reactions of many females after mating, these can be considered as expressions of dissatisfaction, especially from famales who othrwise are of gentle disposition.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWell, as a "prostitute" I can attest that there seems to be an enormous variety of reasons for men choosing us as recipients of their discretionary income.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisMind you, I'm somewhat atypical, as I only accept intelligent men as clients, and <90% are regular visitors. New applicants are screened heavily, and I've caught-and reported to the authorities--several unregistered sex offenders and individuals with outstanding warrants. However, these are a minority. For some reason, the vast majority of my clients are attorneys. We enjoy this--they get to play doctor, and I get to play lawyer ;-)
Yes, I have a "real" career, and having two small businesses of different types suits me. I have ADD off the charts, and despite a stratospheric IQ, I've been fired from every job I've ever had. Now, I'm in charge of my own hours, and have the satisfaction of knowing I'm well-regarded and considered to be competent in my fields. This one more so than the other.
Oh, yes--the reasons. In no particular order:
Attention and ego-stroking, appreciation, intellectual stimulation, enthusiasm (so they think,) lingerie, pampering, a chance to unwind and have a cocktail at the end of a long day, peace and quiet away from kids, household chores, having to "discuss the relationship," and chronically complaining, dissatisfied partners.
Incredibly busy work schedules, travel, boredom, lack of social skills, sheer physical unattractiveness, dislike of clingy commitment-obsessed women, anger at their partner, feeling neglected by their partner, fetishes and fantasies they feel they can't share with their partner, a naturally high sex drive, and just plain stress relief.
I'm sure there are others, but these come to mind first.
Hope this helps.
In no particular order, here are some reasons (stated or implied)
I will confess that I have paid for sex. Here are the reasons
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to this1) Romance, companionship and sex are missing in my life.
-I have never had a girl friend in my life. I believe this is because I do not have the physical appearance that would attract the type of girls I like. I am an average looking guy. That's something that makes me inferior when it comes to choosing partners. I don't have that much bargaining power in this area. Also I was verbally bullied by girls throughout high school about being overweight, and other encounters build up my impression that girls only judges a guys worth from superficial factors such looks and wealth. From all these I still have this view for women.
you might say, well lower your expectation, and don't have that double standard of " o i hate women for choosing good looking men over me, yet I only want a pretty women". I think it all comes down to you can have the best of anything material (appearance of your partner) if you are good enough, rather than what is selfish or not. It's all a question of how I can become better so I can get what I want without breaking the law. I believe there are lots of women who are beautiful and intelligent, but they won't see my worth today with who I am now, although I have lost weight. I am still in the 'development process' to become someone they will be interested more in the future.
2) It takes a lot of time to build an intimate relationship, hence getting to the sex part will take a lot of time. but I have that need now.
- Dating now will distract from study. Accademic success is very important for me, since I won't succeed with women with my appearance, then perhaps when I get wealthier I have a better chance to attracting them. Pretty women get the guys they want because nature has given them an advantage over their peers - their outstanding appearance and they use that advantage. Well nature has given me the intelligence to become a professional in the future with high pay job, and I will use my advantage.
to sum it up in plain words:
I am not saying that I prefer women with only looks, I am saying I desire one with a good combination of intelligence and beauty, but first I will have to be good enough, and that's something I can work on. But since its a long process, the only way to focus on this plan and not get sexually frustrated and distracted is paying for sex. I see that to some extend as a small tangible rewards "or preview for the ultimate reward" for following my plan or an incentive to continue to reach this goal.
N? 10 is missing. It goes like this: there are situations, societies, times, religions, moral standards, ages of the person, where paying is absolutely the only way of having sex.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWhose mother, sister, or child should this prostitute be? Yours ... your brother's? Somehow, men believe they are the only ones who "pay" for sex, while billions of women and children struggle to make a life without the assistance of fathers. I am for treating drug addiction as a healthcare issue and ending drug prohibition. I would then like to see the resources used in "the war on drugs" shifted to addressing male privilege with regard to sex as "just" compensation for accepting the rules of "masculinity" that societies enforce to limit male creativity and expression. It will take a few generations, but a campaign to educate ourselves, globally, on the costs of male sex privilege, including single-parent households, child molestation, sex trafficking and prostitution would end not only these problems in society ... but most others, including war, once we realize the fallacy of this "benefit" in exchange for the overall oppression of individual males' true personalities. Try reading Warren Farrell's "The Liberated Man" for a description of the bigger picture.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI'm sure there are some women who accept dinner, flowers and gifts for sex. But most women that I know of, including myself, are accepting those as acts of courtship and commitment leading to a lasting relationship that among other things, includes sex. It's a way for a man to say he's willing to sacrifice for the relationship because he values it. It's a way to distinguish himself. If I even think that someone is giving me something for sex, it's a no go! I'm not interested in gifts for that purpose!
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThe other quid pro quo in my book is for mutual noncommittal sex. Beyond the sex being non-interesting for both parties, most times, I find it telling that most men are looking for personal acceptance / validation AND sex, as well.
That's one reason that I surmise that men are willing to deceitfully court a woman, when they don't really have an interest in a relationship. It's not just for sex. We all know too well that if a man doesn't have to work for it, he loses interest very fast!
Admittedly, for some, paying a woman might make sense -- the man gets the sex / acceptance and maintains some dignity with the illusion of dominance and control with the payment. And if legalizing prostitution resulted in women being paid, perhaps this would be a viable alternate system.
The problem is that others invariably get involved as pimps and traffickers such that it isn't the prostitute being paid, but rather someone else ... it isn't a woman choosing this as a profession, but being forced into it ... oftentimes beginning as a child.
And EVERYONE knows the downsides of this, including the Johns.
Really, why must we punish each other for nature's dictates, I wonder? Why not just figure it out?
In the meantime, I'm for Johns going to jail. if we pursued that option wholeheartedly, we could stop looking at the problem from the victim's perspective, but from that of the purchasers and those perpetuating prostitution. We'd start looking for cures to help the Johns.
Do you realize there aren't even words to name the crime from the John's perspective?
Its interesting how whenever you try to read some constructive, scientific information on this topic, you get some unattractive bitter woman demonizing men for their needs. Prostitutes do this work because it is easiest way for them to make good money. Generally no one makes them do it. No reason to pity them just because you are not good looking enough to do it yourself and no reason to rage about "bad" men just because they would rather pay to a prostitute then spend time with you. Taking this high moral ground due to your own issues is pathetic.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisBy the way my latest post was in regards to a comment of caffeinequeen who is a nice example of such pathetic, bitter, self righteous woman. Its no surprise men would rather pay for sex then spent time listening to her.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisI just wanted to pointed out, caffeine queen, that I agree entirely with everything you've said, and even have a couple of things to add to that.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisHowever, I think most women would agree that that a woman has a genuine need for sexual pleasure, regardless of how deeply emotional or meaningful it is. And personally, I know for a fact that not all women only ever want a serious, committed relationship. How do I know this? Because I've been told that by women I know. It only seems fair (and equal) then that men are allowed to satisfy the same needs.
I’d also like to point out that there is only a market for prostitution because there are still some men out there who are deeply insecure about their ability to attract a woman to whom they are mutually attracted to. Men will only ever pay for this type of service when they have, effectively, "given up" on themselves (and on the "game" of dating and relationships) so to speak. Clearly, I think most people would agree, this is a sad indictment. But it's definitely not the answer. It's not the answer for several reasons (and these are NOT in order of importance!):
1) it's not financially sustainable for most men
2) it does not give a man what he really wants
3) it harms women psychologically and physically
4) it actually damages a man's self esteem and social confidence, possibly irreparably
If you ask me, the real solution to this problem with men resorting to paying for sex, is for someone (the government perhaps?) to provide a service for men (especially young men) to learn the social skills which they obviously never had the opportunity to learn. These social skills include:
- how to hold down an interesting conversation,
- how to flirt (both verbally and non verbally),
- how to add variety to their dating life (to keep both themselves and their date interested/prevent boredom),
- how to touch a woman the right way (especially how to initiate a passionate kiss),
- and how to build a strong and meaningful sense of trust between the man and the woman.
These are the areas which men need to understand and be proficient in if they are able to find themselves a mutually attracted partner. If a man is genuinely enjoying his relationship with a woman who is genuinely attracted to, the thought of paying for sex will never again cross his mind.
I have been married to a woman I love. She is frigid and shows NO relation to sex, or foreplay, and will not verbalize about sex.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisIt leaves me feeling less of a man each time we have sex. She undresses in the closet where I cannot see her. That is only the beginning.
I do love her. In seven years, I have paid twice for someone who will just pretend to be interested.
I understand that ten percent of women are frigid.
I have pleaded with her to get professional counceling. She refuses.
Other than divorce, what else can I do to get an occassional psychlogical temporally relief.
Bailey99, has it ever crossed your mind that the woman you are married to, might not be attracted to you anymore? Before you label her as 'frigid', you might want to consider other explanations. They will not be worse than what you are going through.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisAnyway, I am trying to understand reasons behind paid sex seeking behavior. Most of the comments here are pretty mediocre and belong to men reluctant to see anything beyond their tiny self-centered world. I am a woman, and the idea of prostitution would not shock me if it could be a profession of a free choice. Unfortunately it is not and cannot be. There is NO way that a girl would enjoy having 10+ sexual partners a day and risk her health and life, except for rear cases of nymphomania which is a condition. Prostitution always stems from poverty and goes together with slavery, crime, drugs and diseases - what fun are all these? Men who pay for sex know it, so they are either flat out misogynists who like to see women suffering, or people with deep control issues. What worries me most of all is this UK study I read about recently. According to its results men would rape if they were unable to pay for sex. Scary if true.
Reply to visitor
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisYou make a reasonable point, which could be true, but there is more to the story than I first described.
Before marrying her, I asked her "if we were to have an important issue in our marrage what would it be?" She replied "sex". She refused to say any more. I loved her, and still do, so I went ahead and married her.
After being married awhile, my wife told me that she was repeated sexually abused by a young woman at the age of three to four. She was, of course, told not to talk about it. To this day, she will not say a word about sex. Her first husband was a manic depressive that had threated to kill her. He, too, refused to have sex with her since she did not "turn him on".
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
bailey99
That was a really complete and total breakdown of all possible reasons a man might see an <a href="http://le69.com/escorts/">escort</a>. I've thought about this a lot myself before and I've come to some of the same conclusions you have but not nearly as in depth. Well done.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisWomen and young girls who work in the sex industry do not do this because they enjoy doing it. Don't kid yourselves. But if you ask them, of course they will tell you they like it because that is what you want to hear.
Reply | Report Abuse | Link to thisThe vast majority of women in the sex industry do it because they were sexually abused as children. They have been hurt so terribly that they no longer believe they are worth anything more. They believe their only worth is in the use of their bodies for sex. Every time a man has sex with a woman for money they are supporting the sexual abuse of children because the main reason women have sex for money is because they were abused as children.
Sure men have sexual needs. Women do too, especially those that HAVE NOT been sexually abused. But everyone can manage it themselves without demoralizing women in order to release sexual tension. It just is not right. Instead, just spend the time and effort in finding that great relationship. Find your voice so you can communicate with women and find out what they want from you and you can give it to her, and in return she will give you what you want. Sex in in an open and loving relationship is a wonderful experience, so much more physically and spiritually fulfilling than paid-for sex. It is an actual real experience between two people, not some fake fantasy in the mind of one. It is not as easy but the best things never are.