Finally, some really important news. Cola tastes better made with real sugar than with corn syrup. So when I saw a story about Coke now using sugarcane, naturally I got hyperactive with joy. Until I found out that the sugarcane isn’t going in the soda—it’ll be processed to make the bottles. Thus did I cry aspartame tears. True, the new system will use far less petroleum, so it’s a good thing. But it could be better if they’d put some sugar water in those sugar bottles. It is, after all, the perfect complement to Cheetos.
This article was originally published with the title Wonders of Life.