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See Inside November 2006

Uncommon Scents

A whiff at the plate brings up a bouquet of possibilities
Steve Mirsky



FRANK VERONSKY
New York Yankee great Derek Jeter usually comes up smelling like a rose. But according to mid-August news reports, Jeter will soon also smell like "chilled grapefruit, clean oakmoss and spice." Those odors are the elements of the shortstop's new men's perfume--I mean cologne--to be sold under the name Driven. (It's the scent that says, "I'm not stopping at second base.")

Athletes thus join movie stars and other celebrities in having their own signature fragrances, for sale to the malodorous masses. But, although scientists are vital to the fragrance industry, there are no fragrances honoring them. So here are some suggestions for a new line of scientist-inspired scents.

Isaac Newton's Gravitas
Ingredients: Fresh-cut grass, royal mint and, of course, apple spice.
Slogan: For the man who likes his heavenly bodies as far away as possible.

J. Robert Oppenheimer's Cataclysm
Ingredients: Desert sand, enriched geranium.
Slogan: Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds, but with a delicate floral hint.

Barbara McClintock's Transposition
Ingredients: Corn kernels, corn husk, Cornell.
Slogan: When your genes make that unexpected move.

Alan Turing's Enigma
Ingredients: Sptf qfubmt.
Slogan: Tell them it's the real you.

Nikola Tesla's Genius
Ingredients: Secret.
Slogan: Change the world.
(Note: Removed from market; formula lost.)

Alessandro Volta's Charge
Ingredients: Cat hair, amber, balloons.
Slogan: Make sparks fly.

Antoine Lavoisier's Chemistry
Ingredients: Hydrogen, oxygen.
Slogan: When the elements come together, you may lose your head.

Ludwig Wittgenstein's Logic
Ingredient: Silence.
Slogan: For when you don't have the words to say the things you mean.

Anton van Leeuwenhoek's Hidden
Ingredient: Pond water.
Slogan: Reveal ... the little things.

Socrates' Philosophy
Ingredients: Olive oil, feta cheese, traces of hemlock.
Slogan: You fill me with ... questions.

Albert Einstein's Continuum
(undoubtedly to be renamed Relativity after disappointing early sales)
Ingredient: Thyme.
Slogan: The faster you go, the shorter you get.

Stephen Hawking's Universe
Ingredients: Everything.
Slogan: You don't have to understand it.

Michael Faraday's Dynamo
Ingredients: Copper, mercury, rubber.
Slogan: Your magnetism will create ... electricity.

Kurt G?del's Theorem
Ingredients: Complete list unavailable.
Slogan: For the man who has almost everything.

Galileo Galilei's Insight
Ingredient: Patronage.
Slogan: Discover new worlds.

Benjamin Franklin's Revolution
Ingredient: Sage.
Slogan: Come in from the rain.

Stephen Jay Gould's Evolution
Ingredients: Flamingo smiles, hen's teeth, panda thumbs.
Slogan: Punctuate your equilibrium.

Leonardo da Vinci's Invention
Ingredients (written backward on label): Oil-based pigment.
Slogan: Leave a lady smiling.

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