I have learned that when someone you love has Alzheimer's, he or she is not the only one facing memory issues. Do we remember the bright, sunny person full of life and creativity, or do we remember the person who no longer recognizes us, who lies in a bed in a nursing home, gasping for air? Do we remember the lover with whom we could share our body, our thoughts and our adventures or the person who cannot finish a sentence or find the bathroom? How do we live with the fact that the individual actually died years before his or her body stopped? The ghastliness of Alzheimer's seems to push out everything else. I am finding it hard to remember ordinary life with Carol before Alzheimer's.