"At first, we thought it was Dog The Bounty Hunter and he'd just let himself go."
These were the angst-ridden words of Tim Lake, describing a lady who had come to his door.
She hadn't come to borrow sugar nor to discuss some errant dog droppings. No, his video surveillance system showed her picking up an Amazon box and walking away with a hurried gait.
Lake thought there was something wrong with this picture, as the Amazon box was intended for him.
It shows that Lake couldn't take this light-fingeredness lightly.
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He set up an e-mail address in the hope that someone would offer him an anonymous tip as to who this woman might be.
He also created posters that laid bare the full extent of his pain. He even walked the streets with the posters, interviewing passersby.
Should you have any doubt, his pain was vast. For inside that Amazon box were some Keurig K-Cups and an ice tray.
"I could have made iced coffee with those things," said Lake, barely holding back the tears.
The woman still hasn't been located. Despite the witty nature of his telling, Lake has filed a real police report.
Could she have been in desperate need of ice cubes for a birthday party? Could she be a serial Amazon door stepper?
Surely someone must have had coffee with her recently and noticed a slightly chilled smile.