Many relationship experts say it's not the fights that matter so much as the making up post-fight.
Well a long-term study found that attachment to our caregivers during infancy can predict an ability for resolving an argument later in life.
Scientists out of the University of Minnesota have been following a group of subjects since the mid-1970s and recently had them come into the lab with their romantic partners. Couples were asked to discuss something they disagreed on, and then they were given a cool-down period, talking about something they both liked.
The researchers noticed a trend during these innocuous cool downs. Some couples, no matter how intense the fighting, could very easily transition to a happy conversation, where as other couples—could be one or both individuals—seemed stuck on the disagreement and were incapable of moving on.
Researchers studied subject histories and found that those who were securely attached to their caregivers during infancy were better at recovering from fights 20 years later.
But all is not lost for those of us who may have had insecure attachment as infants. If such people have partners who recover well post-conflict, then they may still have a fighting chance.