Confused about the difference between rejuvenating solitude and fear-driven avoidance? Here are questions to ask yourself and some tips to try:
Is Wanting to Be Alone a Problem?
On supporting science journalism
If you're enjoying this article, consider supporting our award-winning journalism by subscribing. By purchasing a subscription you are helping to ensure the future of impactful stories about the discoveries and ideas shaping our world today.
1) How do you feel when the phone rings? Likewise, how do you feel when you are invited to an event? When someone wants your company or attention, pay attention to your reaction. If you experience dread, resistance, or physical symptoms like a racing heart, shallow breathing, or a clenched stomach, these may be signs of social anxiety or past trauma. However, letting that call go to voicemail because you are immersed in something else, or simply deciding not to answer the phone for a while is intentional, not avoidant.
2) When you get some time alone, how do you feel? If the answer is rejuvenated, energized, or otherwise positive, then rock on, my introverted friend. If the answer is “relieved,” look closer. “I don’t have to go to that party and feel awkward!” “I didn’t have to talk to him!” “Phew, no one noticed I wasn’t there.” Relief in moderation is typical, but consistently turning inward for relief may imply avoidance.
If you enjoyed this article, I’d like to ask for your support. Scientific American has served as an advocate for science and industry for 180 years, and right now may be the most critical moment in that two-century history.
I’ve been a Scientific American subscriber since I was 12 years old, and it helped shape the way I look at the world. SciAm always educates and delights me, and inspires a sense of awe for our vast, beautiful universe. I hope it does that for you, too.
If you subscribe to Scientific American, you help ensure that our coverage is centered on meaningful research and discovery; that we have the resources to report on the decisions that threaten labs across the U.S.; and that we support both budding and working scientists at a time when the value of science itself too often goes unrecognized.
